Weird Watering Holes

Where you drink says a lot about who you are.

http://unrealitymag.com/index.php/2010/04/21/the-weirdest-bars-in-the-world/

So which one of these places would I go to? Well, I'd like to see all of them, except that coffin place which seems to be made from discarded 2x4's and contractor sized trash bags.

But which one might I want to go back to? Has to be the Hobbit House. Why? Because it's just a bar. All those other places have a lot of style, but they seem to be lacking in substance. But those little folk seem to have a well stocked back bar and some decent music, so that's where I'm heading if I find myself coughing up hairballs. I'll take blues and whiskey over spraypainted wheelchairs any day.

St. Patrick's Day

...Need I say more? Well ok, I guess I can link back to last year's post.

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!

This Day in Booze: The Double Whammy

I was going to call today's article "This Day in Booze: The Bitch is Dead", but today actually happens to mark two great days in booze history, so I had to change it.

What bitch? Whose a bitch? You'ze a bitch? Where the fuck are my pants?... ...Exactly.

Today marks the death of one Frances Elizabeth Caroline I'm a Bitch Willard.

She was a 19th Century educator and woman's Suffragist, but was most notably known for her role in temperance reform and the WTCU, or as I like to call it Women with Thorny Cunts United.

But she was a suffragist? That's a good thing. To what extent was here role in the Women's Christain Temperance Union (WTCU) that you feel such a need to vilify her so?

Well, as one of the originators of the satanic organization (at least that's what I'm told) known as the WTCU in 1874, she was elected the first corresponding secretary. In 1879 she was elected the President of the Women's National Council of the United States (another cult, I am told), and held onto her position there until she finally kicked the bucket. Kind of like a dictator, but with a vagina. She was the originator of the Formed Worldwide WCTU in 1883, but surprisingly was NOT the President of that organization. Well, not until 1888 at least.

During her time with the temperance movement, she set about traveling the Country, speaking to groups, to churches, to schools, to communities all about the evils of booze. So much of her time and effort was dedicated to this cause that from 1874 to 1884 she averaged over 30,000 mile of travel and 400 lectures PER YEAR! One of her biggest arguments against booze was its effect on the home life. Let's just forget about the effect of not being at home for nearly 10 years. That kind of screws up the home life as well. Oh wait, I guess you need a home life first, before you can screw it up. She never married (I wonder why), and it's clear that her real issue wasn't with booze, but with the "Evil Penis." ...hehe, penis.

Now don't get me wrong. I fully support any effort towards women's rights and praise great women like Julia Child and Martha Stewart who have taught today's women how to be creative, more independent, and how to bake a better pie.


Today is extra special because it also marks the signing of the Blaine Act by the United States Senate. Oh I'm sorry, the Blain Act doesn't really ring a bell with most of you. How about I call it by it's other name, the 21st Amendment.

The Blain Act, written by Wisconsin senator John J. Blaine, was the 21st Amendment to the Constitution before it was the 21st Amendment. On February 17th, 1933, the United States Senate Accepted the Act, but it wouldn't become an Amendment until it was ratified by the individual States. A process which the law grants seven years. Fortunately it took less than one, and on December 5th, 1933 it became the 21st Amendment to our Constitution.

So have two drinks today. One for the 21st Amendment and one for Pie.

Taste The Rainbow

Saw this on my iGoogle homepage as the "How To of the Day."

Make Skittles Vodka



Basically it's the same procedure people use to make there own homemade lemoncello, except it looks like a box of Crayola crayons, will make you go temporarily blind from the sugar high, and I'd never drink it.

...ok, I'm really not the person to be saying never. I'd drink it, but I'd say I hate it as I swig down the entire bottle.

DC Blizzard

Every year the wife and I take a short vacation Sometime between the months of January and March. We call it our little winter getaway. One year we went up to Niagara Falls. Another year we went out to Detroit for the Autoshow with friends. Last year we went down to Bradenton Florida for Pirates Spring Training (please don't judge us). It was the last time we could go to see all the players we like before Nutting sold them off for another 5 year plan. I still like B. James' idea for another Kevin Costner movie.

This year we decided to go down to DC and catch the Penguins pummel the Capitals this Sunday. We decided to make a weekend of it, head down Friday night, and spend Saturday doing museums and watching politicians sin (It never hurts to know where a dead intern or two are hidden).

Of Course we picked the one weekend that a Blizzard decides to ravage the North East like the grizzly bear that made poo out of that dumb hippy.

Well thanks to the blizzard, all the museams and stuff in DC are going to be closed tomorrow. So we're going to rock this hotel room the only way we know how.

It's Motherfuck'n Booze Time!

Once again, please don't judge us and our selection. We did the best we could given our circumstances.

We're Number One!

OK fine, we're not #1, but we are just 67 miles or an hour drive from the #1 Beer Store

IN THE WORLD

(another article on the subject)

It's just a hair north of us in Youngstown, Ohio, but it might as well be in Pittsburgh.  Youngstown, for a long time now has been asymilated into Southwestern PA.  It's as much a part of Pittsburgh as Cranberry or Uniontown or WashPA.  In my travels I've actually met other people who have said they were from Pittsburgh, and when I ask them what part, they respond "Youngstown."  I even have a coworker who commutes every day to work from Youngstown to Monroeville.

Youngstown and Steubenville are like two bastard cities Ohio never really wanted.  Youngstown had mob problems and Steubenville just kind of sucked.  And don't let Steubenville try to fool you otherwise.  They're like the scrawny, hairlipped, humbacked orphan that nobody ever wanted to adopt. 

Years ago, when Pittsburgh was drawing up the official papers to adopt Youngstown, Ohio tried to pawn off Steubenville on us at the same time.  "It's a package deal.  The two get along so well and we'd hate to separate the two of them."

Fortunately Sophie Masloff was too smart for such a ploy.  So we Pittsburghers took Youngstown under our wing as one of our own, and it's been a pleasant relationship ever since.  Of course that hasn't stopped Steubenville from attempting to get it's parasitic little tentacles on Pittsburgh.  They broke free from Ohio about 10 years ago and started calling themselves, and all of Jefferson County Ohio, "The Burb of the Burg."

Yes, they are that Ghetto.  True, at only 36 miles away from Downtown Pittsburgh, they are almost twice as close as Youngstown.  But just because the kitchen sink is twice as close as the toilet to the living room doesn't mean you use it instead.  Twice as close?  Is that even proper english?   See, Steubenville sucks so much donkey balls, they are only worth insulting with gramatically incorrect idioms.

Now that I've gotten that little tirade off my chest, wasn't there something about alcohol I was supposed to be talking about.  Yes, back to Youngstown and the Number 1 Beer Store in the World, Vintage Estate Wine and Beer.  That's right.  They are the number one beer retailer in the World according to ratebeer.com's 2010 awards. At over 800 craft beers and 1000 plus types of wine, there is little in my mind to deter me from just driving up there in the middle of this snow storm we are in and setting up my own little tent city in their parking lot.  I'll bring the kielbasa and the carcoal grill and will simply just venture into the store if I need more to drink or to use the bathroom.  That is unless there is a sink that's close by.

Now that I've heard of the place, I'm sure I'll be making my way up there at some point to sample their selection.  If you're in the area in late April, the store plans on hosting a massive beer festival called The Big Tap In.  I may just have to go.

And the owners live in New Castle, PA, so yinz can consider the as locals as well.

I wasn't looking too good but I was feeling real well

Bored waiting for a Windows update to install on someone's computer, I opened a browser and sought to entertain myself in a manner that was more-or-less safe for work.  Then I came across a headline that made my heart sink: after decades of making every other drinker on the planet look like a fucking lightweight, Keith Richards is on the wagon!

There's been a lot of trouble lately with The Stones other guitarist Ronnie Wood ditching his wife for a young Russian "waitress" and proceeding to generally wreck everything in his life by drinking alcohol faster than the maximum output of Seagram's.  Rumors were The Stones were going to tour again soon.  They have now officially said that is not the case, and speculation is it's because the insurance company won't insure the tour with Ronnie's drinking problem.  Why is that the speculation?  Because it's happened before. 


Ronnie has thrown his life into such disarray with his drinking, that it has allegedly scared Keith and he quit drinking completely.  He says he's been dry for a few months now.  Seriously, how fucking bad is your substance abuse problem when Keith fucking Richards says "Holy shit, dude, you need to slow down!"?

I find this news kind of sad.  Not just because things are falling apart for Ronnie, but that Keith has gone straight.  Why?  Well, I'm kind of working on that question myself.  Maybe because Keef is a symbol of responsible irresponsibility.  He always appeared to ride things on the ragged edge, but he always pulled through somehow.  He indulged in whatever he desired, but never to the point that things completely fell apart.  Personally, I've always felt abstinence was a sign of weakness.  You need to eliminate temptation from your life because you can't be trusted to keep your shit together.

But now he's not that symbol, and that makes me sad inside.  Not that I thought of him as a role model.  Fuck no!  I mean, you're a cool guy, Keef, and it would be awesome to meet you; but I think it would be folly on a grand scale for someone to pattern their life after you.  Still, it somehow seems like a little sliver of fun and freedom just left the world.  A good friend of Keith's once rhetorically asked "Where were you when the fun died?"  Well, I guess I was installing Windows 7 on some dude's computer at work.

Still, one gets the sneaking suspicion that Keef is mainly doing this to try to encourage Ronnie to get his shit together.  And that is highly commendable.  Think about it for a minute.  How much would you give up to help a friend?  Would you quit your favorite habit or passtime?  Would you quit smoking, or watching football, or whacking it to bestiality porn while your wife is in the shower?  More to the point, would I give up alcohol if Richard Dicks or M. Randolph was acting like Ronnie?

I'd tell them I did. 

Maybe.

This Day in Booze: Judgement Day

No, this is not a prediction into the future. The World will not end on this day in the year 2000-and-who-gives-a-rat's-ass. Nor am I the Governor of California running naked through the streets punching holes in peoples chests.

I'm writing to you because this day was probably the darkest day in the history of the American Alcoholic. Today began the days of Prohibition.



It was on January 16th 1919 the U.S. Congress Ratified the 18th Ammendment. The bill was to take effect exactly one year later on this same day, 1920. What would follow was 13 years of sobriety, bootlegging, organized crime, smuggling, rum running, speakeasies, moonshining, violence... ...actually that sounds kind of fun. Well, everything except fo the sobriety part. Because gunning down treasury agents just isn't the same without a flask of bathtub gin to enjoy while doing it.



And that is about all I have. I've nearly exhausted the subject on prohibition in many past posts, which you can check out.

Willis-Campbell Act

Brew Year's Eve

Cullen-Harris Act

The 21st Amendment

I know it's kind of a let down as this should be the big one. But I'm not feeling up to it. The truth is, if you read yesterday's post, I kind of went out for that one last drink last night. And that last drink led to another drink, which led to another drink, whiche led to another, which led to homoerotic flirtation with B James and McPaddy, which led to a busted lip and me washing the urine off the side of my car this morning.

This Day in Booze: One Last Drink

January 15th 1920. Last day for a legal drink in the United States before nearly 13 years of sobriety. Raise a glass to those poor souls who had to endure it.

Beer Swap: Part 2

I hope everyone had a happy New Year. Mine was good. McPaddy and his wife threw on a great spread with much food and booze.

Over the past few days I've taken some time to sample more of the beer from my Christmas Beer Swap. Figured I'd continue to share my opinion with you and see if anyone else has anything to share about these particular beers.

Here is a quick recap of that which has been sampled already. If you don't agree with me on something let me know, because I can be fairly blunt. I know what tastes good and I know when someone is trying to pawn of shit by riding a reputable name. Which leads me into my first review from last week. Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale was nothing but hops water with red food coloring. Despise this obvious fact, it seems to be in everyone's list as one of the top Winter/Chrsitmas beers (blunt enough for you?). Clipper City Brewing Winter Storm "Cetegory 5 Ale", being an Imperial ESB, was an attempt to be a little different from most of the other winter brews out there. I appreciate the effort, but don't think they quite succeeded. I think this beer could be much better if they really put some effort into it. It was good enough for me to call it a typical seasonal beer. Sitting at the top of my seasonal list, I reviewed the Anderson Valley Winter Solistice. I was thoroughly impressed. Expecting another dark chololately beer with tons of hops, like most other christmas beers, this was deep and rich but well balanced. I love the proprietary blend of holiday spices, the balance between the hops and malts, and the smooth caramel finish.

This time around I've got three new beers to review.

The first beer isn't exactly a seasonal beer, but that's one of the great things about beer swaps, the unexpected. The beer was a Strawberry Wheat Beer by Lancaster Brewing Company. The only wheat beer in the case, I wasn't expecting great things when I popped open the bottle. Perhaps it was the description on the beer label that said "Wheat Beer with Strawberry Flavor Added". That's right. They brewed a wheat beer and then added strawberry flavoring to it after the fact. Truth be told, it wasn't terrible tasting, but it was kind of bland and weak in flavor. This wasn't a surprise, since wheat beers typically are more mild in taste, with the true nuances coming out usually in citrus or banana flavors. But this isn't one of those beers. It's perfectly drinkable and the strawberry flavor they added was just enough to give it a light fruity sweetness (perhaps too tart). But I don't think I'll be buying anymore of it.

Magic Hat Howl. Eh...It didn't exactly live up to my expectations for something from Magic Hat. As expected it had the aroma and flavor of roasted and chacolate malts. It isn't an ale, like most winter beers, but a dark german lager (schwarzbier). So it's a heavy beer but lighter in flavor. I think the hops pairing was off on this one. For the style of beer, I think their choice of hops is too overpowering. Not that it had too much hops. On the contrary, it had about the amount of hops I typically like in a dark seasonal brew. However, The hops they choose masked the true flavor of the beer itself. M. Randolph might be able to provide more insite into this since he is the most qualified.

Lastly is Erie Brewing's 'Ol Red Cease and Desist. I'm not entirely sure if I like this one or not yet. I hate to give a review prematurely, but I just can't get my mouth wrapped around this one. Yes I've set myself up perfectly for your homo-erotic comments. That's OK. If you're commenting it at least means somebody out there is reading this crap. Back to the beer. At over 10% ABV it definetly fits in with the spirit of a winter beer. It's a nice deep DEEP red scottish ale, though some years the bottle apparently says "wee heavy" instead. Same thing (prepared for the backlash). It has some of the standard characteristics a would assume with this type of beer. A mouth full of caramel malt on the front end with some fruitiness as well. But something just seemed off. I can't tell if it was the bitterness. In my quest to get a grasp of it I research a little to see what other people thought. One person on beeradvocate might of touched on it when he said the beer was "considerably metallic, like licking stainless steel." I'm not sure if I'd go that far. But there definitely seems to be something there. I'll guess I'll just have to suck it up and crack open the other two bottles at some point to delve deeper into the mystery of 'Ol Red. I'll try to give a followup when I do my next round of reviews.

All-in-all the Anderson Valley is still at the top of my list.

Christmas Beer Swap

Merry Christmas everybody!

It's been over a week since any of us last posted, but with the Holidays and end of year deadlines at work we've all been a little busy. This year for Christmas I got roped into a Holiday tradition that is becoming more and more popular each years. I speak of the Christmas Beer Swap. It's a great tradition, which I hope to participate in for years to come. For anyone who might not know how it works, a group of guys get together (girls can join in too...for sexual favors) and buy a different case of beer. Then they put all the beer together and make a bunch of variety packs. For Christmas time, typically everyone gets a Holiday or seasonal brew. What I love about this Holiday tradition is it gives you a chance to try a bunch of new and different beers that you might not try otherwise. This is a big deal in PA since most of the time you have to buy an entire case to try any of these beers, and at $35+ for a case....no TV and no beer makes Homer something something.

I did this with a group of seven other guys at work, which means everyone got three of each beer. We did the swap on Tuesday before Christmas and I have already had the chance to sample several of the beers. I figured this would be a great opportunity to share my thoughts as I drink them. So expect several followups as I get through the collection.

We've got 10 different beers actually. One of the guys went to a "make your own 6-pack shop" ad bought 3 separate beers. The list includes Magic Hat (Howl) Black-as-Night Winter Lager, Bell's Christmas Ale, Lancaster Brewing Strawberry Wheat, Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale, Erie Brewing Ol' Red Cease and Desist, Clipper City Brewing Winter Storm Category 5 Ale, Anderson Valley Winter Solstice Ale, Troegs Mad Elf, Southern Tier Brewing Old Man Winter Ale, and to top off the collection, Samichlaus.

The first one I tried was the Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale. Now I tend to shy away fom Sierra Nevada normally. They have a hard-on for hops. Though this is a fact true to just about all American craft brewers, but Sierra Nevada's got a real stiffy. The Celebration Ale was actually my pick. I was the one who bought it. Figuring most of the other beers would be heavy I wanted to mix things up with something a little lighter. The beer I wanted to buy, Samuel Smith's Winter Welcome Ale, was $70 a case. So I went with a suggestion from the guy at the beer store. He said it wasn't as hoppy as most there other stuff. Well he was right, it wasn't "as" hoppy. Unfortunately there was much any other flavor either. It was slightly beer flavored hops-water. This surprised me because a lot of sources ranked it amongst the top Christmas brews. Alas, the truth is it tasted watered down with the only real flavor being the bitterness of the hops. It also had a cherry red hue that seemed completely atificial, as if they added red food coloring to make it more festive. I found this beer to be highly overrated and dissapointing.

The next beer I tried was the Cetegory 5 Ale. This beer from the High Seas line fo Clipper City Brewing was pretty much what I expected. Fairly typical for a winter seasonal brew. It was dark, rich and heavy on the hops. THough it is an imperial ESB and it did have a few unique characteristics. To quote BeerAdvocate "The neck label mentioned yeast sediment but it looks remarkably clear." So I guess that makes it special. It was good and I would recommend it if someone was looking for a winter beer, but it's got nothing on the last beer in this review.



The latests one to try, the Anderson Valley Winter Solstice, I've actually been drinking as I write this. I like it. I really really like it. The beer has a nice amber brown hue and rich aroma. It has a spiciness to it that I don't think I've ever tasted before, a respectable kiss of hops, and a unique caramel finish. I think it is incredibly smooth and very well balanced for a winter seasonal brew. I am sad, for as I wrap this up, the beer is now gone. Luckily I still have 2 more bottles in the fridge. Definitely at the top of my list so far. Though I do still have yet to sample the Samichlaus.

Expect more from me as I continue through the Christmas beer swap collection, and have a Happy Holidays.

update: I'd love to get the input of anyone else whose had the chance to try these beers as I go through the list. It would be great ot get somebody else's take on these.

Victory is Ours!

Another battle has been won in the great Pennsylvania war on booze. The winning side? The alkies of course.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09344/1019972-100.stm

A little over a year ago, a restaurant by the name of Baba D's wanted to open up a new location on Carson Street in the South Side region of Pittsburgh. The owner purchased the property, spend $600K renovating the place, and applied for his liquor license in preparation for opening night. Pittsburgh City Council's response. "Go Fuck yourself."

Yes, I know he's County, not City, but Mayor Opie is his lapdog.

Obviously the owner, Mr. Najib Aboud, was a little put off by this. It appeared that the City wouldn't issue a license do to over saturation of the area. What that meant, besides what happens to my pants whenever a watch Honor Blackman in old episodes of The Avengers, was that there were too many bars within a 50,000 square foot area. How many is too many? 62 bars to be precise. Well that doesn't seem all that unreasonable, but let's to the math, shall we. 50,000 sq-ft divided by 5280 ft in a mile squared, carry the box of hamster food and an enema for uncle Steve (the two are completely unrelated, i swear), and multiply by the number of Tiger Wood's mistresses...ahh yes. That's an area of 1.148 acres or 0.0018 square mile. That is 62 bars in 0.0018 square miles, or more precisely, one bar for every 806 sq-ft. HOLY SHIT! The limit the City set is 53. Why 53? Because 54 bars is obviously pushing it. What are you, retarded?

I've been around the Country and around the World, and in all my travels, I have yet to find a place with such a large and highly concentrated number of bars as Carson Street in Pittsburgh. The South Side bar scene, is basically a 1.3 mile stretch of road running from the 10th Street Bridge to the Hot Metal Bridge, and it is lined on both sides with nothing but bars and the occational diner or mom n' pop shop mixed in.

The city actually purchased an 8ft x 8ft plot of land in the middle of it to put up a pay toilet, so people would stop urinating in the alleys, on the sides of the building, or even just outside to front door of the bar.

And this isn't just a bunch of random dive bars. No, Carson Street has something to satisfy everyone's taste. There's the classic Americana at places like Mario's or Dee's Cafe. If you're into death metal try visiting the Smiling Moose. The Tiki Lounge has stools and tables made from tree trunks, and a real witch doctor who hang around the back (I think his name is Pete). Hippies and yuppies can share a drink in harmony at the HKAN Hookah Bar and Lounge. The snobs are free to drug their women at Paparazzi's (No seriously, I've seen it happen on several occasions myself. Girls stay away from there). You can listen to some great live blues at the Blue Note Cafe. Shootz is the place to go for football and pool. And complete drunken debauchery can be had at the other 54 bars you have to choose from. Casey's Draft House even has a midget that comes out every 15 minutes to poor shots.

...I think he's actually the owner.

Well, it looks like Baba D's can finally wipe the dust off their back bar. Drinking establishment #63, welcome to the neighborhood. Let's get shitfaced.

This Day in Booze: The 21st Amendment

Do I really need to say anything about this day. It's the freak'n end of prohibition. The Eighteenth Amendment was repealed upon the ratification of the Twenty-first Amendment on December 5, 1933 at 3:32 pm. The United States of America had been dry for 13 years, 10 months, 19 days, 17 hours, 32.5 minutes....well, sort of.

The Noble Experiment Failed, but at this time of rejoicing we should look back on those 13 years and what long term effects they have on the shaping of today.

Yes, for the people that lived it, Prohibition was Hell. Regardless of the original game plan, there were unintended consequences. Some of the worst things to come out of prohibition, besides no booze, were bad booze (poison), organized crime, sobriety, lost jobs when the breweries shut down, the common man turned criminal just for trying to make a living, and a flat out disrespect for the law.

But if you really take some time to look at Prohibition, you notice that not all the unintended consequences were for the worse. I never though I'd say this, but prohibition in a lot of ways was good for society. Now before you decide to string me up by the balls for heresy (I like my balls) hear me out.

Prohibition was responsible for introducing American's to a vast wealth of foreign spirits. Since what was being produced locally at the time was little better than paint thinner with a touch of caramel and formaldehyde, the importation of liquor from abroad helped to diversify America's pallet. Whiskey from Canada was much smoother than American rye or bourbon, and is still extremely popular today. Tequila was all but unknown to anybody who didn't live in the South West or California, but as soon as booze was made illegal, the entire country was ¡Hurra por la bebida! Shiploads of rum, which had fallen out of favor after the revolution due to cost, were park just 3 miles off the coast of Florida. There were also scotches from the U.K., cordials from France, schnapps from Europe, and the list goes on.

Speakeasies. So long sausage fest! Hello all you can eat Tacos! OK, I admit that was a little much, but women in bars?! Astounding!


Finally it was acceptable for men and women to socialize in the same place. You can also find links to the suffrage movement and the beginning of women's social independence. Not only did the quality of the company improve, but so did people's view the bar scene. It was no longer a place to just hang out with the guys and talk about how much life sucked. Now it was an opportunity to mingle and entertain oneself on a Wednesday night. During this time the bartender was able to hone his craft, even if it was simply to mask the awful taste of the poison they were serving. But that didn't stop people form frequenting such establishments, and thanks to Prohibition the "cocktail hour" was born.

The dawn of the tourism industry owes it's roots to Prohibitions. Prior to the 1920s, traveling abroad just for the fun of it was a concept your average American never really thought about. But without good booze to be had locally, the industry took off with a fury. The Caribbean and Havana were especially popular places, and it was on these trips that American's were introduced to even more unique spirits and cocktails. As the industry grew, you have the birth of Pan Am and other major airlines and cities like Miami grew exponentially. All of this meant jobs and growth for the community as well.


Those are just the biggies. Some of the other benefits to arise from Prohibition include the government issue of industrial alcohol licenses, which meant more research into yeasts (nice for us homebrewers). In 1919, the Scientific American Publishing Company published "Home Made Beverages: The Manufacture of Non-Alcoholic and Alcoholic Drinks in the Household" in which vendors sold small barrels, simple stills, guides for distilling techniques. Don't ask me how a book on making non-alcoholic beverages is able to sell stills during Prohibition. I just report the facts. The rum industry was making some of the best quality rum ever, until WWII and things went to shit.

Now even though all these good things came out of prohibition, is any of this going to stop me from celebrating it's demise this evening in grand fashion? Nope. But just remember that even good things can come from bad situations. Except for Fuzzy Blueberry Fail. Nothing good comes of that.


Update: Anybody else have more good unintended consequences that came out of Prohibition? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

My Brew Crew

When B. James and McPaddy started brewing beer about 3-4 years ago I thought it was the coolest thing in the world. When they let me join in on their brewing actvities, they took me under their wing and guided and nurtured me like the special child I am. I was like the small boy the officer lets sit in the front of the squad car and play with the siren, or the kid the airline pilot lets sit in his lap and steer the plane.


I was on top of the world. But in my world, they were the Beirmeisters and I was only the lowely apprentice.

When I think about the guys I've brewed with, I think we all have something different to offer to the beer making process. Each of us has a different idea of what perfection is. McPaddy definitely likes the hops more than the rest of us, I love a nice rich malty Scotch Ale, while B. James' preferences lie with dismantling the emersion cooler and making a still.

The point is, we all have different individual preferences, but that is exactly what a good beer needs. Balance. My contribution is they let me play with the Auto-siphon. One of the few things I can't screw up.

This Day in Booze: Willis-Campbell Act

OK, I postponed this till a little later in the day so as not to step on the feet of King Cool. ...Who am I kidding. I was too busy yesterday getting drunk and too busy this morning nursing my headache to write anything even semi-coherent.


Ahh, Prohibition. When you’re having a rough day, you can always count on it to brighten things up knowing that people had it a lot tougher 80-90 years ago. At least in this day and age, you can go down to any corner bar and drink your troubles away.

Alcohol during the early years of prohibition was treated very similarly to how California handles marijuana today. Alcohol was illegal, but there was a work around. It was called the doctor’s office. Booze was only legal if you had a doctor's prescription, and it didn't take long before doctors were writing scripts for everything from back pain to a paper cut. Just like pot today, alcohol was the cure for everything.


Of course we all know the truth. Everybody knows that for every 100 prescriptions that some California wack job writes for pot only maybe one is for something legitimate, like glaucoma. Personally I think the Government should just legalize it already and then tax the shit out of it. But that's a another subject for another realm of the blogosphere.


But it does relate back to prohibition and this day. With all the prescriptions for liquor, and the booze industry actually making more money than they did prior to prohibition, it didn't take long for President Harding to realize that his mother-in-law's weekly drunken nude stumble through the Rose Garden had little to do with easing the pain of her bunions.

So on November 23rd, 1921, President Harding signed the Willis-Campbell Act (also known as the anti-beer bill), which forbade doctors from prescribing beer and liquor for medicinal purposes. So no more booze for Grandma and here sore hip. No more booze for Aunt May and her chronic depression. No more booze for Uncle Jack and his addiction to ...booze. No more fun for anybody.


According to Wikipedia, the most reliable source for anything on the interwebs, "The Act kept in force all anti-liquor tax laws that had been in place prior to the passage of the Volstead Act in 1919, giving authorities to right to choose whether or not to prosecute offenders under prohibition laws or revenue laws, but at the same time guaranteeing bootleggers that they would not be prosecuted in both ways." I guess I could take some time to explain what that all means, but really that's too much work for my brain on a Monday. You should be lucky I'm writing this at all, given my current condition.

Explosive Fermentation

Yesterday I had not one, but two volcanic eruptions in my basement. It all started with Sunday's match up between the Steelers and Vikings. B. James and his girlfriend(wife) came over to watch the game, grill up some food and brew some beer. Late in 4th quarter, after like his 5th sack, Bret Favre kind of just laid on the field in the fetal position, not wanting to get up.


That was our cue. Time to make some beer.

Brewing went well. We did everything perfectly. We sterilized everything thoroughly, followed the recipe to a tee, chilled down the wort to 70 degrees in under a half hour, pitched the yeast, transferred to the fermenter, and sealed the airlock with cheap vodka. It was time to begin the drinking ...er, waiting game.

8 hours passed, no bubbles. 12 hours passed, no bubbles. 24 hours passed, no bubbles. 36 hours passed, no bubbles. 48 hours passed, ...OH MY GOD! THE BUBBLES!!!

I come home from work to find the lid of the bucket covered in thick brown sludge and the airlock is bubbling forth with happy little yeast farts. Yea!

We were getting worried, and were glad we didn't have to resort to our backup plan to get the yeast going, which was letting my pet guinea pig take a swim in the bucket.


It may have been a slow start, but things quickly got out of hand. I wake up yesterday morning (this is the first morning after bubbles started the night before) to find my basement has fallen victim to a volcanic eruption. We're talking Mount Saint Fuck'n Helen!


I see thick foamy head oozing out of the bucket, the lid is lying on the ground 10 feet away, and it looks like an elephant's ass had exploded in my basement.

I cleaned everything up, resterilized the lid before putting it back on, and went off to work. But it wasn't done there. Hoping that the yeast had gotten it all out of it's system the night before, I come home to find another volcanic eruption. This one was tamer, but no less messy. This was one of those slow moving lava flows. You know the ones that a 2 year old could out run, and yet some grown man always seems to be caught off guard and killed by it. The sludge had oozed out and formed a nice pond and river of filth through my basement. Once again, I cleaned everything up. Now I have the bucket sitting in a large basin in hopes to contain any further mishaps.

I guess the only comforting thing is knowing that if the yeast is that active, it's got to be choking out any bacteria that might try to get a foot hold in the batch. I could probably take a crap in the bucket and still come out with good beer.

...ok, maybe not.