Coughing up hairballs

Richard Dicks harps a lot on PA liquor laws, and there are certainly a lot of unusual and prudish ones on the books around here. They restrict when you can sell, what you can sell, who you can buy from... there's state run stores for all wine and distilled spirits, there's tight restrictions on what size packages a beer distributor can sell. There's no true beer barrels allowed, only half-barrels. You can't have an open container of alcohol in your vehicle. You can't walk down the sidewalk drinking. You can't drink a 6-pack in the establishment that sold it to you. But many of these laws exist in other states. In fact, there are quite a few places in this country that are more squeamish when it comes to alcohol. For instance:


Des Moines does not allow patrons to run up tabs at a bar.

Until recently, bars in South Carolina could only serve liquor from small "airline" bottles.

Liquor stores in Indiana can't sell pop or milk.

Bars in Oregon must sell some kind of food.

Texas doesn't allow its citizens to own the Encyclopedia Brittanica because it has a recipe to make beer somewhere in it. Does that mean you also aren't allowed to go to blogs like ours?

No 40's allowed in Florida.



In Portland, bars can have happy hour specials, but they aren't allowed to advertise them in any way - even on a placard out front!

Until a month ago, bartenders had to hide from patrons while mixing drinks in Utah.

In Massachusetts, you must keep bottles of booze covered or disguised in some fashion while carrying them in public.




But there are some things that people say are weird, but are really quite common:

No booze in the grocery stores is a big one. It seems to be mostly displaced Californians whining about this one, as many states have this restriction. I saw one person bitching that you can't acquire alcohol from a department store in some states. Who the fuck goes to Macy's to pick up a six pack??

Many people bitch and moan about not being able to buy liquor on Sundays, Holidays, and election days; but so many people are bitching and moaning because that law is quite common. So get over it, and plan ahead when you want to have a bender on a Tuesday.



But there is one frighteningly common weird liquor law that doesn't get nearly as much attention as not being able to buy 40's from the Piggly Wiggly on a Sunday; I'm talking about NO BOOZE AT ALL!



Shocking. Horrifying! Is there some charity that fights to eliminate this crime against humanity? Can we hold people accountable for this in an international court of some kind?

Well, until the day comes when this atrocity is wiped from the face of the planet, don't feel so bad the next time your bartender charges you 10% extra before opening your airline bottle of fortified wine behind a folding screen. It could be a lot worse!