Fore!

Sadly, not real. It's just a slightly dangerous magic trick. Look at 26 seconds, you can see where the ball she hit actually went. Look on the right edge of the path back towards where the table is, you'll catch a glimpse of the real ball.

The dude holding the aluminum bottle just flipped it back into the bushes with his fingers at the appropriate time. Earlier, someone had planted a pre-dented bottle in the bushes.

The real ball was a grounder back into the bushes. They might not have even digitally removed it. On such a low quality recording, you could probably hardly see the ball - and there's another giveaway. The "ball" that hits the can is way too clear for such a poor quality recording, it was digitally added later.

All that being said, I do NOT recommend trying this at home! Even attempting this the way I just described is very dangerous!! Especially if you've been drinking. You see, although she didn't have to hit the can to make the trick work, she did have to not hit one of the people. Sure, the area where there's no people is a much bigger target than the can, but there's still the possibility of hitting someone.

And if you think that's not a big deal, just ask Richard Dicks. One time we were out golfing (and drinking, of course) with Paddy. Richard hit a low grounder off to the right of the tee box, into some bushes. He took off after it, with the intention of taking a Mulligan on the shot. I casually teed up, addressed the ball, and as I was backswinging it occurs to Paddy what is about to happen. As if in slow motion (to him) he opened his mouth to yell "Stop!" but it was too late. I was already on the downswing and the ball drove straight and hard to the right, hitting Richard squarely in the right shoulder blade. He had a large welt for a month, and a sore shoulder for even longer.

But apart from the digital ball, it's just a basic magic trick. It would probably even work in person. The viewer's eye naturally follows where they think the ball should go, and they don't notice the grounder going towards the picnic table. Especially if they've been drinking. Probably no one was searching the bushes earlier for planted bottles.


Simple, when you know how it's done.

The Line

Tomorrow will be the first day of the year around these parts that's suitable for golf, and I'd really like to take off work and just go golfing. But the two people I usually golf with, MC Paddy and Richard Dicks, are busy. Paddy just started a new job and has to make a good impression, and Dicks is on a plane somewhere bribing the flight attendant to give him a 12th little bottle of rum. Why is that a problem, you ask? Why can't I just go out golfing myself? If you're asking these questions, you are obviously not a golfer. Not a real golfer, anyway. Doubtless, you've caught a glimpse of men on TV in business casual dress hitting little white titanium balls with graphite clubs.

This is not golf.

Golf is getting up slightly earlier than you would normally on a day off, meeting friends in a parking lot to have doughnuts and coffee, then heading out in little white vehicles to get drunk and tool around what amounts to a large garden. Maybe smoke some cigars, tell some stories, generally hang out. This being the case, the titanium skinned balls and graphite shaft clubs aren't the most important equipment. Number one, first and foremost, is a good flask.

I have a few. The most unique is a small leather case that opens to reveal three cylindrical flasks and other drinking equipment. This was a gift from Richard Dicks the night before his wedding. This is good if you want to get fancy. You can bring several liquors, or the ingredients for a cocktail. It's a pretty slick setup with my initials engraved on a plate on the case.

And one can get even spiffier than that, if one were so inclined. They sell beer dispensers disguised as drivers, and tee holders that open up to reveal a snort or two of your favorite spirits; but at the end of the day it's hard to beat a good, old fashioned hip flask. I have two of these. One is wrapped in black naugahyde with the Jim Beam Black logo embossed on it. It was a present to myself, part of a gift set at the liquor store that I just couldn't refuse. The other is all stainless steel, polished on the outside with an etched design. It was a gift from M. Randolph the night before his wedding.

Armed with these, I can easily transport more than half a fifth of liquor in two pockets. Often Richard will bring some beer in a soft cooler that zips shut. Add the fact that many golf courses themselves have a bar or at least a cooler with beer for sale, and you have a hell of a morning. And that is golf!

But notice how I keep talking about my friends. They are the major element to this. It just wouldn't be the same without at least one of them there to share the experience. The crisp morning air that warms as the day goes on, the flask of whiskey, the well kept greenery, the flask of rum, the satisfaction of the one well-played shot of the day, the half case of beer, the relaxation of ignoring the world outside the course, the three small flasks filled with pre-mixed martinis... it just wouldn't be the same all by myself.

Now, I recognize that compared to most people, I drink more often and I often drink more. But even the most dedicated disciple of Bacchus has to draw the line somewhere. I'm not sure where my line is, but taking a Wednesday off work to wake up early and get drunk alone before 9AM is way past it.


Thursday, on the other hand...