Today I embark on a quest to Brookville, PA. About an hour and a half northeast of Pittsburgh, this quaint remote town truly is in the heart of Pennsyltucky country. Like so many other small towns, the only real development is a 2-3 mile stretch around the interstate ramps. There are just enough amenities to support the local farmers, truckers passing through, and each other. Aside from farming, the one industry they can claim is that Brookville is where they make all the Major League baseball bats (that's why they're breaking all the time). The largest structure in town is the Sheetz mega gas station and convenience store, where all 48 gas pumps are in use full time, and the MTO line is 10 people deep. The second largest structure in town happens to house an adult video store.
About 15 'country' miles out of town, after traveling through rolling hills and valleys of farmland, we arrive at the backdrop for my adventure. A friend of mine is a co-owner of a small plot of land out in the middle of east-ka-bum-fuck. An old motor home has been built upon over the years, and now is a pleasant cabin with a large patio and a 15 ft diameter fire pit (FIRE!!!). On this beautiful plot of land, McPaddy and I will join 30 other individuals to engage in what may be the stupidest idea we've had in our adult lives... Beerfest!!!
That's right, we're doing it. And I assure you that nothing good is going to come of this weekend. It will be a day-long endurance trial involving 16 two man teams and nearly a dozen different drinking games.
The games will include a rotation of 30 minute rounds to engage in the following games throughout the day: Flip Cup, Das Boot, Shotgun, Quarters, 3 Speed, Putt Putt, War, Balance Beam. Teams will earn points based on performance during the event. After a break for dinner, the final round will begin with each teammate participating in either Edward 40 Hands, where two 40s are duct taped to your hands, or the Power Hour Dance Off, where each person takes a shot of beer every minute while dancing until only one man is left standing (uh, dancing). Additional points can be either earned or deducted for various acts of drunken godliness or the inevitable party foul.
The weeks leading up to this event have been filled with both anticipation and apprehension. As I state at the beginning, this may be one of the more idiotic things that I've done.
The Disclaimer: We here at JABB do not encourage or condone such activities. Do not try this at home. We are professional alcoholics,and therefore do not have any brain cells left to tell us this is a very bad idea.
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As you may have gathered, I'm not attending. I never took to drinking games much. Sure, watching "Beerfest", it all looks like fun, but I like to pace my drinking according to how I feel, even if I'm drinking way too much. I don't like feeling obliged to drink.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, one of the few times I have participated in a drinking game (Asshole), I was accused of "ruining the game" because I was drinking constantly instead of only when I had to for the game. Paddy and I had shown up to that kegger with our own cups. Everyone else was drinking their Yuengling from standard red plastic cups, but Paddy and I had picked up enormous hard plastic 33 ouncers from WalMart that morning.
Professionals from the start!