Fermentation Friday: How the best of '07 became the worst of '08 and why Adolphus Busch is better than you

Miller is better than you. So are Bud, Pabst, and Coors. Now, I don't want you to think I'm singling you out; it’s not that you're a bad brewer –well, you might be, but that's not the point. So am I. So is everyone else who isn't a brewmaster for one of those big companies.

By now, I'm sure you making angry, Nixonesque harrumphs in your wheely office chair and compiling your list of favorite microbrews in your head. I'm sure you're saying beers like Burning River, Arrogant Bastard, and Golden Monkey are way better than Miller Lite, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and the Silver Bullet; but they're not. They're just not.

And I’m sure you have your reasons for picking those microbrews. I’m sure you’re thinking about the mouth feel, the wide range of flavor and scent the carefully selected hops bring to the brew, how much richer the color is, how much fuller the head is. But you’re wrong.

The reason the larger breweries are better than the smaller ones can be summed up in one word: consistency. Winter, summer, fall, spring, bad harvests, blights, new suppliers, water pollution, pesticides, fertilizers, economic hardship, floods, tornados, war… none of these things have any effect on their end product. And that's simply astonishing! Just stop and think about what a monumental achievement that is! You probably bitch when your local shop runs out of your favorite brand of priming sugar.

But don’t think I’m saying I’m better than you. I’m not. I’m probably worse, and now we’re getting to the point. Last winter, MC Paddy and I brewed up a Christmas beer with hints of honey and cherry. It was dark, full, rich, sweet, strong, and even got a bit chocolaty with age. It's probably the best beer we've ever made, and this winter it became one of the worst. We dug out the recipe, gathered the ingredients, and set to work. We did our best to replicate everything from the year before, but something went wrong. What? Who knows.

And there's the problem. What good is expanding your knowledge and developing new and exciting recipes if you can't do something more than once? And I mean doing it exactly the same more than once. We were so excited to make this winter beer again. We came up with a name and a clever label, and really did it up properly. But the stuff inside just didn't live up to our hopes.

So I’m not saying all those things you like about your favorite microbrews aren’t important, I’m just saying that they aren’t as important as being able to do it all consistently. That's what I want to work towards next year, and I urge you to do the same. Whatever level of brewing you're on, no matter how good or bad your beer may be… learn to make it the same every time. That way, when you hit on something really good, you'll be able to make it again and again anytime you want.

Fermentation Friday: 2009 Plans

2008 was a good brew year. I started brewing on my own, making all-grain bitters, porters, Schwartzbier and a scotch ale that wasn't in the end. Two of them even took medals home, which was a nice surprise. I've had some hurdles that I want to overcome in both technique and composition of beers. In terms of technique, I have to get the time it takes to brew down. The process takes me 7 hours, from firing up to putting the carboy in the closet. Add to that the hour each way it takes to get to the brew store and it becomes a day and a half commitment. 

My next hope is to figure out how to get stuff in bulk. I'd like to brew more spontaneously, and being able to have hops on hand as well as grain would be great. Hops have been a big issue this year, my LHBS is usually out of what I want, and unless the brew heads are behind the counter I don't get great recommendations about swapping out my hops. My main goal is to learn all about hops. I might try to grow some upstate over the summer and I'd like to know off-hand which hops I can trade out and why. To this end, I've been cracking open all my hops when I get them home and taking big whiffs to get a good feeling for what is what.

Stylistically, want to make more American beers. All of this brewing started because of how much I loved drinking English cask ales while living abroad. Now that I'm back home, I want to make some American beers and reconnect with our bigger is better attitude. Still, I hope to expand to some sort of cask set-up, hopefully picking up a beer engine (or 2) while abroad this summer and a cask breather. I also want to drink a bit less beer and a bit more liquor. This will let me feel less like I'm grinding out a new beer every couple of days and give my palette a break from the endless hop explosions that I favor.

Finally, I like this blog. We started it at the end of 2008, but really it is a new-year's resolution to give a little back to the internet who helps us learn so much. The blog will soon have links to our favorite blogs. Coming in 2009 will be details of out different beer-making setups, some more reviews of beers, recipies, and a thorough discussion of getting donked and those who write about it. Sneak peek: "You're not a mixologist-- you're an asshat" & "The Pounder Shoot-out".  The internet, she is good to us and we thank her.

NB: All three of us should be posting on this topic, so check back as Friday approaches.

Here’s to the economy!

So you’re sitting in your fallout shelter, shivering and perhaps even struggling to retain control over your bladder. You’re worried that the economy, and indeed society at large, is on a downhill slide and soon you’ll either be the sexual plaything of a large man in a hockey mask, or attaching a cow catcher to the front of your Ford Falcon. You’re terrified. You’re stressed out. Let’s face it, you’re a fucking mess. And what’s worst is you have absolutely no control over the situation at all. That’s when things are most terrifying. No one person caused this situation, and no one person can fix it… or even put a dent in it. Yet it affects us all. And so you sit alone in your basement, waiting for the seemingly inevitable shithammer to fall. Well, I have good news for you. There’s a treatment for your symptoms that will actually do a small part to resolve the cause: have a drink!

Seriously, go get a glass and a bottle and get to work. But not just any bottle will do, no. This requires careful selection. You look like shit, so beer and wine are out. No, strong spirits are required to steady your shaking hands. 80 proof or more. But before you grab that bottle of Imperia off the shelf and go to town, let’s take a moment to think this thing through logically.
If you down a few shots of some imported spirit, you’re siphoning much of the price of that bottle out of our economy. That’s only going to make the situation worse! Then you’ll get more frightened and depressed and then you’ll need to drink even more; turning this into a vicious cycle. The next thing you know, you’re drunk, lonely, broke, and you’ve ruined the American economy. And that won’t do.

But, on the other hand, if you think about your selection for a second –and specifically I’m talking about who will get your hard-earned booze money, then you can make a selection that’s good for you, good for me, and good for the American people: Bourbon. By law, Bourbon has to be made in Bourbon County, Kentucky. So right off the bat, you know this is a product made with pride by hard-working Americans. Also by law, the mash the liquor is distilled from is required to be over 50% corn. Now… what country grows the most corn in the world? I think you’re starting to get the picture, here. And once that wonderful white lightning comes out of the still, it’s put into barrels made of lightly charred American White Oak to age. So you’ve got American ingredients being used by Americans with American equipment made of American natural resources to produce an exclusively American Product. Seriously, baseball and apple pie ain’t got shit on a shot of Beam!

When you fork over the cash for a bottle of Bourbon, your money goes to American workers, American businessmen, American farmers, American loggers… and do you want to talk about taxes? Do you want to talk about how much Uncle Sam gets out of this deal? The ingredients get taxed, the materials get taxed, the workers and businesses pay taxes, then the federal government collects excise tax on the liquor... it’s a monetary love-fest that ends with you getting wasted!

So there you go. Next time you’re feeling down, grab a bottle of your favorite Bourbon and raise your glass to more comfortable times. It’ll make you feel better, and you might just save the economy.

Mashout Results

I put two beers in as three entries in the Upper Mississippi Mash Out. I took thrid in one of the dark ale categories with one, and a second in one of the new brewer categories! I'm super excited and glad that I submitted- I was only hoping for some good feedback. I'd tell you which categories, but I like having some anonymity on the blog. I'll post up some recipies soon for the beers. Whoo!