Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Damn Few

So you and a few friends are drinking, and a round of shots has appeared in front of you. Maybe you’re not too sure where they came from, but that doesn’t really matter at this point in the evening. You all grab a glass and raise it high, and then there’s that expectant pause. Someone has to say something… but what? You all wrack your brains. This has happened many times before, and each time someone has broken the silence with some reasonably appropriate verbalization, but which one of those words or phrases best fits this situation?

You’ve heard some in person, you’ve heard some in movies, there’s books full of them, maybe you’ve even thought of a clever one yourself; but when the moment is finally upon you, it’s hard to come up with something. Some people remedy the situation by having a stock utterance that they’ve used so often it naturally flows out of their mouth. This avoids being at a loss for words, but it risks your catch phrase becoming stale, no matter how clever it might be. And even if you do go with that method, you’d better have something pretty good picked out. What is there to choose from?

“Cheers!” is rather generic, but really not too bad when you think about it. Wishing cheer unto your fellow drinkers is a nice thought, and since you’re drinking there’s a good chance your wish for them will come true.

“Here’s mud in your eye!” Does anyone actually say that unless they’re playing a stuffy British person in a bad TV movie? I’m not sure where that came from. I suppose I could look up its origins on the internet, but it’s a safe bet whatever I’d find would be bullshit.

“Prost!” just makes me think of Donald Sutherland pounding beers in a hospital bed.

“Lechayim!” To life!

“Campai!” If you’re drinking rice wine, it should be illegal to say anything else, unless it somehow sounds more Asian or more dirty (don’t act like you don’t know what I mean by that.)

“Na zdorovia!” I’ve read that it isn’t really said in Russia anymore. I’ve also read it’s actually what they say when someone sneezes. I’ve also read that it’s their reply when someone says Thankyou. But I think that’s all bullshit, because two drunken Russians taught it to me while we were doing shots of vodka one night. And speaking of vodka…

“You know what they say about vodka, don’t you? One’s alright, two’s the most, three under the table, four under the host.” I suppose that’s not technically what we’re talking about here, but usually people laugh and raise their glasses after you say it.

“Here’s to swimmin’ with bow-legged women.” Once I said that one while actually dressed as Quint. The sheer awesomeness of that moment was so great, that it shattered windows and set off car alarms as far as 10 blocks away.

“To toast.” I love toast.

“Here’s to the Army and Navy, and the battle’s they have won; here’s to America’s colors, the colors that never run. May the Wings of Liberty never lose a feather.” I’ve said it a few times, but it’s long, pretentious sounding, and obscure enough that no one gets the reference.

“To life everlasting.” is something a friend of mine always drinks to. Sometimes it can be a bit of a downer if life uneverlasting has been on your mind lately, but it’s a nice romanticism to drink to.

“To us!” is something that I’ve drank to at someone’s suggestion, but if all the people in the group aren’t having sex with each other… it might be a bit awkward.

“Here’s to us and those like us” is a more palatable version of that. Another friend of mine would sometimes say it, to which someone else would then reply “Damn few.” Sometimes he’d just bypass the call and response by raising his glass and saying “Damn few!”

“Jimmy… you- you’re a- a fine brother, man. I mean, brother. An… an you got yurself a fine womn der… an… an you take care of him!!!! *sniffle* He’s the best damn (inaudible) an all I did… yeah. Yeah, I know I gotta talk into the micaphone!” This one is to be avoided.

“To booze!” is my ultimate exclamation whenever I’m lacking something to raise my glass to. It’s relevant to the situation, it’s on my mind at the moment, and it’s usually a sentiment everyone can agree with.

So those are things I’ve said, or others have said –and not a comprehensive list at all. There’s lots more that’s been said in my presence when drinking in honor of something.

What do you say when its time to raise your glasses high? We’d love to know.

Oh yeah, and...

Here's to booze!


  1. Couple of my favorites:

    "To Pussy!"

    "To Honor! Get on her, stay on her, and if you can't cum in her, cum on her! To Honor."

    "Where the hell did my pants go!?!"

  2. May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.
    -Old Irish Toast