Just Another Booze Blog

Weird Watering Holes

2010-04-22T13:19:00.000-04:00

Where you drink says a lot about who you are.

http://unrealitymag.com/index.php/2010/04/21/the-weirdest-bars-in-the-world/

So which one of these places would I go to? Well, I'd like to see all of them, except that coffin place which seems to be made from discarded 2x4's and contractor sized trash bags.

But which one might I want to go back to? Has to be the Hobbit House. Why? Because it's just a bar. All those other places have a lot of style, but they seem to be lacking in substance. But those little folk seem to have a well stocked back bar and some decent music, so that's where I'm heading if I find myself coughing up hairballs. I'll take blues and whiskey over spraypainted wheelchairs any day.

Twice in one week and Flinstones (Via @Brookston)

2010-03-27T07:07:00.002-04:00

The ever amazing Brookston Beer Bulletin has an amazing post about The Flinstones schilling for Busch Beer.

http://brookstonbeerbulletin.com/the-flintstones-drink-busch-beer/

Sir, you are what we admire most but don't aspire to be, at least in this forum.

Snowballin'

2010-03-24T19:56:00.000-04:00

Sorry its been a while since I rapped at ya'll. I'm just getting home from yoga with my wife and maybe the 'Namaste' has cleared my mind for more dick jokes.

A lot has been going on of late brewing-wise for me. I've been judging, and blogging about that judging. I'd tell you the link but that would defeat the purpose of this being semi-anonymous. I've made a bunch of beers, but didn't place any of them lately, so I'm a bit grumpy.

I break my silence to bring you breaking news straight from Chicagoist! They've just had a massive snowball session with Dogfish head. It shows a ton of class on their part that they would go ahead and respond to a twitter complaint. This is outweighed only by the naivete of the author who seems to think this had nothing to do with his position as a beer reviewer in a major market. A major market that is 2 weeks away from hosing the Craft *fucking* Brewers Conference! Nice all around, and snowball away. I for one am sorry your extreme beer tasted like grape instead of wood and the Calagiones are a class act. I just hope their new Italian-power Manhattan brewpub doesn't turn into a crowded velvet-rope/scenester pile of pretentious shit like most of midtown. Can New York City support a real brewpub; no, history shows. Can it support celebrity stuff- until TMZ stops caring. If anyone can pull of the conversion it is two of the most X-treme brewers in the country. Thankfully, they can both brew good beers that aren't fermented from a hot air balloon, so their might be room for all.

After all, Penn Brewing has a pale fucking ale out; so anything is possible. I bet Gordon-Bierch's new mild will rock!

St. Patrick's Day

2010-03-17T11:44:00.003-04:00

...Need I say more? Well ok, I guess I can link back to last year's post.

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!

Rumors

2010-03-04T17:00:00.000-05:00

"the rumors of my sobriety are greatly exaggerated" - Keith Richards

Good to hear. No one likes a quitter, Keef.

Source

On a related note, a few weeks ago, Richard Dicks had an alarming bout of sobriety that lasted almost 48 hours. I wholly supported his effort, but it still failed. All it took was accidentally wandering into some joint called The Hop House. Why he thought no temptation would lie within a place called The Hop House, I don't know. Nice place, though. Good food, good beer, they still let you smoke but it's not too smokey. Looked like some darts and such diversions in the back room. Maybe we'll hit there again this weekend.

Wreckless Man

2010-03-01T01:34:00.020-05:00

Ok, so this isn't a video. There is a video out there somewhere of this song being performed live on a back porch at a party full of high schoolers drinking moonshine, and it's completely and entirely awesome, but it's no longer online as far as I can tell. CMT had it on their site (it was from an excellent CMT program on illegal liquor called "Moonshine Madness"), but they've long since removed it from their site. I've been looking for a copy of the video for years, but I just can't find it.

However, my latest attempt turned up a recorded version that same band did. It seems they're called "Virginia Ground" but I think CMT called them "The Back Porch Boys" or something like that, perhaps they weren't officially a band at that point. This recording is very good, but lacks the neat vibe the video had; just seeing some 17 year old dudes drinking illegal liquor at a party late at night in the backwoods suddenly pull out instruments and go to town. Still, this might be the closest I get to sharing this without buying a copy of the DVD somewhere, ripping it, uploading it to YouTube, and hoping enough people see it before YouTube takes it down for copyright reasons. So without further ado, here's Virginia Ground playing "Wreckless Man"

If you ever get a chance, check out the CMT program CMT Most Shocking: Moonshine Madness. Even if you don't like country music at all (I'm certainly not the biggest fan in the world), it's a fascinating look into illegal liquor and covers some topics most of the History Channel programs leave out.

Drink Scotch Like a Man

2010-02-26T04:25:00.005-05:00

I don't drink Scotch. To me- and Ron White would punch me in the face for saying it, Scotch has the same gasoline tang to it that makes me dislike Tequila. Now, why I dislike that tang so strongly, well, that's another story...

http://www.asylum.com/2009/06/01/ron-white-wants-you-to-drink-scotch-like-a-man/

You don't know Jack

2010-02-24T16:25:00.000-05:00

Now my favorite whiskey recipe is hands-down a glass with some Jim Beam in it. But I guess Jack Daniels is ok too. But Jack with grenadine, triple sec, and orange juice? Well, it takes all sorts...

http://www.mademan.com/15-great-jack-drinks/

I might have to try an Evil Jack some day.

I have a friend who loves to walk into bars and ask for "two fingers... Jack... neat" just because he knows no bartender under the age of 50 has ever heard those words. Once the girl behind the bar sadly informed him they were out of Tequila.

I would have laughed my ass off if they hadn't been out and he got a tumbler with a shot of tequila and a shot of whiskey, because he would have gotten exactly what he ordered: Two Fingers, Jack, neat.

But back to that link, some of the recipes talk about adding things to ease Jack's bite. What bite? I always thought Jack was a little too smooth and sweet, personally. Sure, I've had sweeter whiskies like Ezra Brooks, and there's whiskey-based liqueurs like Southern Comfort, American Honey, and Red Stag.

But Jack, well, people put it in the same category as Bourbon. I was once at a bar and ordered Jim Beam. When I was given a glass of Jack Daniels instead, I could tell by the flavor and spoke up. The bartender said "Eh, Jim, Jack... same thing." I almost flew off the handle, as I was in a pricey establishment and had paid a pretty penny for a moderately clean glass full of not what I asked for. But that's how a lot of people think. Many consider Jim and Jack to be interchangeable. But would they do the same with Crown or Seagram's 7? Canadian whiskey is pretty close to Bourbon, people don't consider it to be bourbon. Nor has it ever pretended to be anything other than what it is: it comes in different shaped bottles, totally different style labels and completely different marketing campaigns. But just look at that bottle of Jack, all square and bourbony and old-timey. You get the feeling that on the weekends Jack Daniels puts on a fake mustache and asks its wife to call him "Bourbon" in bed.

Jack seems to have always had a chip on their shoulder about the whole bourbon thing. And in all honesty, if you fed samples into some sort of chemical analyzing computer thingie (I never took Chemistry in college) I'm sure it would say Jack Daniels and Jim Beam are close enough to be categorized as the same substance. I won't deny that in flavor, Jack is like a smooth, sweetish bourbon. But taste isn't how bourbon is defined.

The fact of the matter is Jack is not Bourbon because it's made in the wrong place. It's not a matter of taste, or ingredients, or licensing and trademarks. I can't call myself a Dane because I wasn't born in Denmark, nor do I live there now. So I call myself a Yinzer, because I'm from and live in Pittsburgh.

A lot of booze is that way. Mezcal can only come from one town, if it's made somewhere in the same county you get to call it Tequila but otherwise it's just cactus juice. And everyone involved is ok with that arrangement. Scotch has to come from Scotland, otherwise Sean Connery shows up at your house in the middle of the night and beats you with a blackjack until you sing Nighean Nan Geug backwards three times. Those are the rules.

But even going from that argument, I'm sure there's lots of people that would say "Kentucky, Tennessee... what's the difference?" It's a only a 3 hour and 57 minute drive from Lynchburg Tennessee to Shepherdsville Kentucky. That's not too long, you can make a day trip from one location to the other. But to put that in perspective, if you started at the Dewars distillery and drove North, South, East, or West for that same 223 miles, you'd be in the fucking ocean. So it's not like the Bourbon folks are being dicks excluding Jack, other liquors have just as strict geographic requirements.

Nor am I trying to say Jack Daniels is shit. It's not shit. I drank some with Richard a two nights ago (yes, that was a Monday.) It's a very fine Southern American whiskey, but it is not Bourbon and it's not Jim Beam. And I know folks love their Jack Daniels; who prefer it over any actual bourbon with it's rotten corn sourness and its rough-around-the-edges, non-charcoal-filtered bite; but to me Jack Daniels will always just be pretend bourbon. When I want a glass of whiskey I reach for that white label.

This Day in Booze: The Double Whammy

2010-02-17T06:01:00.002-05:00

I was going to call today's article "This Day in Booze: The Bitch is Dead", but today actually happens to mark two great days in booze history, so I had to change it.

What bitch? Whose a bitch? You'ze a bitch? Where the fuck are my pants?... ...Exactly.

Today marks the death of one Frances Elizabeth Caroline I'm a Bitch Willard.

She was a 19th Century educator and woman's Suffragist, but was most notably known for her role in temperance reform and the WTCU, or as I like to call it Women with Thorny Cunts United.

But she was a suffragist? That's a good thing. To what extent was here role in the Women's Christain Temperance Union (WTCU) that you feel such a need to vilify her so?

Well, as one of the originators of the satanic organization (at least that's what I'm told) known as the WTCU in 1874, she was elected the first corresponding secretary. In 1879 she was elected the President of the Women's National Council of the United States (another cult, I am told), and held onto her position there until she finally kicked the bucket. Kind of like a dictator, but with a vagina. She was the originator of the Formed Worldwide WCTU in 1883, but surprisingly was NOT the President of that organization. Well, not until 1888 at least.

During her time with the temperance movement, she set about traveling the Country, speaking to groups, to churches, to schools, to communities all about the evils of booze. So much of her time and effort was dedicated to this cause that from 1874 to 1884 she averaged over 30,000 mile of travel and 400 lectures PER YEAR! One of her biggest arguments against booze was its effect on the home life. Let's just forget about the effect of not being at home for nearly 10 years. That kind of screws up the home life as well. Oh wait, I guess you need a home life first, before you can screw it up. She never married (I wonder why), and it's clear that her real issue wasn't with booze, but with the "Evil Penis." ...hehe, penis.

Now don't get me wrong. I fully support any effort towards women's rights and praise great women like Julia Child and Martha Stewart who have taught today's women how to be creative, more independent, and how to bake a better pie.

Today is extra special because it also marks the signing of the Blaine Act by the United States Senate. Oh I'm sorry, the Blain Act doesn't really ring a bell with most of you. How about I call it by it's other name, the 21st Amendment.

The Blain Act, written by Wisconsin senator John J. Blaine, was the 21st Amendment to the Constitution before it was the 21st Amendment. On February 17th, 1933, the United States Senate Accepted the Act, but it wouldn't become an Amendment until it was ratified by the individual States. A process which the law grants seven years. Fortunately it took less than one, and on December 5th, 1933 it became the 21st Amendment to our Constitution.

So have two drinks today. One for the 21st Amendment and one for Pie.

Taste The Rainbow

2010-02-16T10:06:00.004-05:00

Saw this on my iGoogle homepage as the "How To of the Day."

Make Skittles Vodka

Basically it's the same procedure people use to make there own homemade lemoncello, except it looks like a box of Crayola crayons, will make you go temporarily blind from the sugar high, and I'd never drink it.

...ok, I'm really not the person to be saying never. I'd drink it, but I'd say I hate it as I swig down the entire bottle.

2010-02-12T01:44:00.001-05:00

Some up-coming beer events in Pittsburgh

Instant!

2010-02-11T10:19:00.000-05:00

It's just that easy!

DC Blizzard

2010-02-05T20:03:00.005-05:00

Every year the wife and I take a short vacation Sometime between the months of January and March. We call it our little winter getaway. One year we went up to Niagara Falls. Another year we went out to Detroit for the Autoshow with friends. Last year we went down to Bradenton Florida for Pirates Spring Training (please don't judge us). It was the last time we could go to see all the players we like before Nutting sold them off for another 5 year plan. I still like B. James' idea for another Kevin Costner movie.

This year we decided to go down to DC and catch the Penguins pummel the Capitals this Sunday. We decided to make a weekend of it, head down Friday night, and spend Saturday doing museums and watching politicians sin (It never hurts to know where a dead intern or two are hidden).

Of Course we picked the one weekend that a Blizzard decides to ravage the North East like the grizzly bear that made poo out of that dumb hippy.

Well thanks to the blizzard, all the museams and stuff in DC are going to be closed tomorrow. So we're going to rock this hotel room the only way we know how.

It's Motherfuck'n Booze Time!

Once again, please don't judge us and our selection. We did the best we could given our circumstances.

We're Number One!

2010-01-28T18:57:00.005-05:00

OK fine, we're not #1, but we are just 67 miles or an hour drive from the #1 Beer Store

IN THE WORLD

(another article on the subject)

It's just a hair north of us in Youngstown, Ohio, but it might as well be in Pittsburgh. Youngstown, for a long time now has been asymilated into Southwestern PA. It's as much a part of Pittsburgh as Cranberry or Uniontown or WashPA. In my travels I've actually met other people who have said they were from Pittsburgh, and when I ask them what part, they respond "Youngstown." I even have a coworker who commutes every day to work from Youngstown to Monroeville.

Youngstown and Steubenville are like two bastard cities Ohio never really wanted. Youngstown had mob problems and Steubenville just kind of sucked. And don't let Steubenville try to fool you otherwise. They're like the scrawny, hairlipped, humbacked orphan that nobody ever wanted to adopt.

Years ago, when Pittsburgh was drawing up the official papers to adopt Youngstown, Ohio tried to pawn off Steubenville on us at the same time. "It's a package deal. The two get along so well and we'd hate to separate the two of them."

Fortunately Sophie Masloff was too smart for such a ploy. So we Pittsburghers took Youngstown under our wing as one of our own, and it's been a pleasant relationship ever since. Of course that hasn't stopped Steubenville from attempting to get it's parasitic little tentacles on Pittsburgh. They broke free from Ohio about 10 years ago and started calling themselves, and all of Jefferson County Ohio, "The Burb of the Burg."

Yes, they are that Ghetto. True, at only 36 miles away from Downtown Pittsburgh, they are almost twice as close as Youngstown. But just because the kitchen sink is twice as close as the toilet to the living room doesn't mean you use it instead. Twice as close? Is that even proper english? See, Steubenville sucks so much donkey balls, they are only worth insulting with gramatically incorrect idioms.

Now that I've gotten that little tirade off my chest, wasn't there something about alcohol I was supposed to be talking about. Yes, back to Youngstown and the Number 1 Beer Store in the World, Vintage Estate Wine and Beer. That's right. They are the number one beer retailer in the World according to ratebeer.com's 2010 awards. At over 800 craft beers and 1000 plus types of wine, there is little in my mind to deter me from just driving up there in the middle of this snow storm we are in and setting up my own little tent city in their parking lot. I'll bring the kielbasa and the carcoal grill and will simply just venture into the store if I need more to drink or to use the bathroom. That is unless there is a sink that's close by.

Now that I've heard of the place, I'm sure I'll be making my way up there at some point to sample their selection. If you're in the area in late April, the store plans on hosting a massive beer festival called The Big Tap In. I may just have to go.

And the owners live in New Castle, PA, so yinz can consider the as locals as well.

I wasn't looking too good but I was feeling real well

2010-01-25T13:13:00.000-05:00

Bored waiting for a Windows update to install on someone's computer, I opened a browser and sought to entertain myself in a manner that was more-or-less safe for work. Then I came across a headline that made my heart sink: after decades of making every other drinker on the planet look like a fucking lightweight, Keith Richards is on the wagon!

There's been a lot of trouble lately with The Stones other guitarist Ronnie Wood ditching his wife for a young Russian "waitress" and proceeding to generally wreck everything in his life by drinking alcohol faster than the maximum output of Seagram's. Rumors were The Stones were going to tour again soon. They have now officially said that is not the case, and speculation is it's because the insurance company won't insure the tour with Ronnie's drinking problem. Why is that the speculation? Because it's happened before.

Ronnie has thrown his life into such disarray with his drinking, that it has allegedly scared Keith and he quit drinking completely. He says he's been dry for a few months now. Seriously, how fucking bad is your substance abuse problem when Keith fucking Richards says "Holy shit, dude, you need to slow down!"?

I find this news kind of sad. Not just because things are falling apart for Ronnie, but that Keith has gone straight. Why? Well, I'm kind of working on that question myself. Maybe because Keef is a symbol of responsible irresponsibility. He always appeared to ride things on the ragged edge, but he always pulled through somehow. He indulged in whatever he desired, but never to the point that things completely fell apart. Personally, I've always felt abstinence was a sign of weakness. You need to eliminate temptation from your life because you can't be trusted to keep your shit together.

But now he's not that symbol, and that makes me sad inside. Not that I thought of him as a role model. Fuck no! I mean, you're a cool guy, Keef, and it would be awesome to meet you; but I think it would be folly on a grand scale for someone to pattern their life after you. Still, it somehow seems like a little sliver of fun and freedom just left the world. A good friend of Keith's once rhetorically asked "Where were you when the fun died?" Well, I guess I was installing Windows 7 on some dude's computer at work.

Still, one gets the sneaking suspicion that Keef is mainly doing this to try to encourage Ronnie to get his shit together. And that is highly commendable. Think about it for a minute. How much would you give up to help a friend? Would you quit your favorite habit or passtime? Would you quit smoking, or watching football, or whacking it to bestiality porn while your wife is in the shower? More to the point, would I give up alcohol if Richard Dicks or M. Randolph was acting like Ronnie?

I'd tell them I did.

Maybe.

God's Cube

2010-01-18T09:31:00.000-05:00

Not a video, but I suppose it kind of counts for a Monday Hangover:

toothpastefordinner.com

Cute, but really... iced cube? I thought they were ice cubes. I dunno, people from Ohio are fucking weird.

This Day in Booze: Judgement Day

2010-01-16T09:00:00.000-05:00

No, this is not a prediction into the future. The World will not end on this day in the year 2000-and-who-gives-a-rat's-ass. Nor am I the Governor of California running naked through the streets punching holes in peoples chests.

I'm writing to you because this day was probably the darkest day in the history of the American Alcoholic. Today began the days of Prohibition.

It was on January 16th 1919 the U.S. Congress Ratified the 18th Ammendment. The bill was to take effect exactly one year later on this same day, 1920. What would follow was 13 years of sobriety, bootlegging, organized crime, smuggling, rum running, speakeasies, moonshining, violence... ...actually that sounds kind of fun. Well, everything except fo the sobriety part. Because gunning down treasury agents just isn't the same without a flask of bathtub gin to enjoy while doing it.

And that is about all I have. I've nearly exhausted the subject on prohibition in many past posts, which you can check out.

Willis-Campbell Act

Brew Year's Eve

Cullen-Harris Act

The 21st Amendment

I know it's kind of a let down as this should be the big one. But I'm not feeling up to it. The truth is, if you read yesterday's post, I kind of went out for that one last drink last night. And that last drink led to another drink, which led to another drink, whiche led to another, which led to homoerotic flirtation with B James and McPaddy, which led to a busted lip and me washing the urine off the side of my car this morning.

This Day in Booze: One Last Drink

2010-01-15T16:54:00.005-05:00

January 15th 1920. Last day for a legal drink in the United States before nearly 13 years of sobriety. Raise a glass to those poor souls who had to endure it.

Beer Swap: Part 2

2010-01-03T11:19:00.022-05:00

I hope everyone had a happy New Year. Mine was good. McPaddy and his wife threw on a great spread with much food and booze.

Over the past few days I've taken some time to sample more of the beer from my Christmas Beer Swap. Figured I'd continue to share my opinion with you and see if anyone else has anything to share about these particular beers.

Here is a quick recap of that which has been sampled already. If you don't agree with me on something let me know, because I can be fairly blunt. I know what tastes good and I know when someone is trying to pawn of shit by riding a reputable name. Which leads me into my first review from last week. Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale was nothing but hops water with red food coloring. Despise this obvious fact, it seems to be in everyone's list as one of the top Winter/Chrsitmas beers (blunt enough for you?). Clipper City Brewing Winter Storm "Cetegory 5 Ale", being an Imperial ESB, was an attempt to be a little different from most of the other winter brews out there. I appreciate the effort, but don't think they quite succeeded. I think this beer could be much better if they really put some effort into it. It was good enough for me to call it a typical seasonal beer. Sitting at the top of my seasonal list, I reviewed the Anderson Valley Winter Solistice. I was thoroughly impressed. Expecting another dark chololately beer with tons of hops, like most other christmas beers, this was deep and rich but well balanced. I love the proprietary blend of holiday spices, the balance between the hops and malts, and the smooth caramel finish.

This time around I've got three new beers to review.

The first beer isn't exactly a seasonal beer, but that's one of the great things about beer swaps, the unexpected. The beer was a Strawberry Wheat Beer by Lancaster Brewing Company. The only wheat beer in the case, I wasn't expecting great things when I popped open the bottle. Perhaps it was the description on the beer label that said "Wheat Beer with Strawberry Flavor Added". That's right. They brewed a wheat beer and then added strawberry flavoring to it after the fact. Truth be told, it wasn't terrible tasting, but it was kind of bland and weak in flavor. This wasn't a surprise, since wheat beers typically are more mild in taste, with the true nuances coming out usually in citrus or banana flavors. But this isn't one of those beers. It's perfectly drinkable and the strawberry flavor they added was just enough to give it a light fruity sweetness (perhaps too tart). But I don't think I'll be buying anymore of it.

Magic Hat Howl. Eh...It didn't exactly live up to my expectations for something from Magic Hat. As expected it had the aroma and flavor of roasted and chacolate malts. It isn't an ale, like most winter beers, but a dark german lager (schwarzbier). So it's a heavy beer but lighter in flavor. I think the hops pairing was off on this one. For the style of beer, I think their choice of hops is too overpowering. Not that it had too much hops. On the contrary, it had about the amount of hops I typically like in a dark seasonal brew. However, The hops they choose masked the true flavor of the beer itself. M. Randolph might be able to provide more insite into this since he is the most qualified.

Lastly is Erie Brewing's 'Ol Red Cease and Desist. I'm not entirely sure if I like this one or not yet. I hate to give a review prematurely, but I just can't get my mouth wrapped around this one. Yes I've set myself up perfectly for your homo-erotic comments. That's OK. If you're commenting it at least means somebody out there is reading this crap. Back to the beer. At over 10% ABV it definetly fits in with the spirit of a winter beer. It's a nice deep DEEP red scottish ale, though some years the bottle apparently says "wee heavy" instead. Same thing (prepared for the backlash). It has some of the standard characteristics a would assume with this type of beer. A mouth full of caramel malt on the front end with some fruitiness as well. But something just seemed off. I can't tell if it was the bitterness. In my quest to get a grasp of it I research a little to see what other people thought. One person on beeradvocate might of touched on it when he said the beer was "considerably metallic, like licking stainless steel." I'm not sure if I'd go that far. But there definitely seems to be something there. I'll guess I'll just have to suck it up and crack open the other two bottles at some point to delve deeper into the mystery of 'Ol Red. I'll try to give a followup when I do my next round of reviews.

All-in-all the Anderson Valley is still at the top of my list.

Christmas Beer Swap

2009-12-26T08:59:00.022-05:00

Merry Christmas everybody!

It's been over a week since any of us last posted, but with the Holidays and end of year deadlines at work we've all been a little busy. This year for Christmas I got roped into a Holiday tradition that is becoming more and more popular each years. I speak of the Christmas Beer Swap. It's a great tradition, which I hope to participate in for years to come. For anyone who might not know how it works, a group of guys get together (girls can join in too...for sexual favors) and buy a different case of beer. Then they put all the beer together and make a bunch of variety packs. For Christmas time, typically everyone gets a Holiday or seasonal brew. What I love about this Holiday tradition is it gives you a chance to try a bunch of new and different beers that you might not try otherwise. This is a big deal in PA since most of the time you have to buy an entire case to try any of these beers, and at $35+ for a case....no TV and no beer makes Homer something something.

I did this with a group of seven other guys at work, which means everyone got three of each beer. We did the swap on Tuesday before Christmas and I have already had the chance to sample several of the beers. I figured this would be a great opportunity to share my thoughts as I drink them. So expect several followups as I get through the collection.

We've got 10 different beers actually. One of the guys went to a "make your own 6-pack shop" ad bought 3 separate beers. The list includes Magic Hat (Howl) Black-as-Night Winter Lager, Bell's Christmas Ale, Lancaster Brewing Strawberry Wheat, Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale, Erie Brewing Ol' Red Cease and Desist, Clipper City Brewing Winter Storm Category 5 Ale, Anderson Valley Winter Solstice Ale, Troegs Mad Elf, Southern Tier Brewing Old Man Winter Ale, and to top off the collection, Samichlaus.

The first one I tried was the Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale. Now I tend to shy away fom Sierra Nevada normally. They have a hard-on for hops. Though this is a fact true to just about all American craft brewers, but Sierra Nevada's got a real stiffy. The Celebration Ale was actually my pick. I was the one who bought it. Figuring most of the other beers would be heavy I wanted to mix things up with something a little lighter. The beer I wanted to buy, Samuel Smith's Winter Welcome Ale, was $70 a case. So I went with a suggestion from the guy at the beer store. He said it wasn't as hoppy as most there other stuff. Well he was right, it wasn't "as" hoppy. Unfortunately there was much any other flavor either. It was slightly beer flavored hops-water. This surprised me because a lot of sources ranked it amongst the top Christmas brews. Alas, the truth is it tasted watered down with the only real flavor being the bitterness of the hops. It also had a cherry red hue that seemed completely atificial, as if they added red food coloring to make it more festive. I found this beer to be highly overrated and dissapointing.

The next beer I tried was the Cetegory 5 Ale. This beer from the High Seas line fo Clipper City Brewing was pretty much what I expected. Fairly typical for a winter seasonal brew. It was dark, rich and heavy on the hops. THough it is an imperial ESB and it did have a few unique characteristics. To quote BeerAdvocate "The neck label mentioned yeast sediment but it looks remarkably clear." So I guess that makes it special. It was good and I would recommend it if someone was looking for a winter beer, but it's got nothing on the last beer in this review.

The latests one to try, the Anderson Valley Winter Solstice, I've actually been drinking as I write this. I like it. I really really like it. The beer has a nice amber brown hue and rich aroma. It has a spiciness to it that I don't think I've ever tasted before, a respectable kiss of hops, and a unique caramel finish. I think it is incredibly smooth and very well balanced for a winter seasonal brew. I am sad, for as I wrap this up, the beer is now gone. Luckily I still have 2 more bottles in the fridge. Definitely at the top of my list so far. Though I do still have yet to sample the Samichlaus.

Expect more from me as I continue through the Christmas beer swap collection, and have a Happy Holidays.

update: I'd love to get the input of anyone else whose had the chance to try these beers as I go through the list. It would be great ot get somebody else's take on these.

Life is full of hard choices

2009-12-16T12:24:00.002-05:00

So let's be perfectly honest with ourselves for a moment. Stop sucking in your gut, don't stand up straight, go to a mirror, look yourself in the eye long and hard and ask yourself "What beer should I drink?"

Then we'd like you to honestly post you answer in the comments section. Or lie and say it's the Utopia (It's not, liar!)

I'll go first: If I answer the questions honestly, it has me drinking Molson or Labatt. Not my favorites, but I have had them. There's many beers on that list that I enjoy, both cheap and expensive; but I wish I could say the answer is Elsinore. I hear if you take them a bottle with a mouse in it, they'll like, give you free beer.

Source for that nifty flowchart

Penn Brewery

2009-12-15T12:17:00.000-05:00

While some asslicking cockwhores are moving out of the city of Pittsburgh, some fine, upstanding citizens are going to great lengths to keep Pittsburgh brewing traditions alive.

Now that doesn't say much in that article I linked to, so I'll give you the scuttlebutt I've heard around town. Cause, you know, it's just a blog. What the fuck do you want from me, journalism?

The story I heard was that Tom Pastorius, founder and owner, who played with his band many Friday nights at the brewpub, wanted to retire. He wasn't greedy, he just wanted to have fun with his life and he'd made as much money as he felt he needed. I admire that. But anyway, stories I heard had Tom retiring to do... whatever the hell he felt like. So he sold Penn Brewery to some folks who thought they could continue on his good work. But Tom didn't actually own the building, just the company; and the landlords wanted to write up a new lease for the new owners that included numerous anal violation clauses, and few to no lubrication addendums. So the new owners started looking at moving or selling out. (I don't really blame them for that, it sounded like a raw deal to me). But Tom wasn't really cool with that, he wanted Penn Brewery to stay in Pittsburgh. He'd started that place to be a Pittsburgh institution.

In Februray, his worst fears came to fruition. The folks who bought it sold the bottling line and moved production to Wilkes-Barre.

This is not what Tom wanted. In fact, he had gone on record saying that he didn't want the brewery to end when he retired. So, he got together with some other investors, got a grant from the city's urban renewal initiative (to the tune of $300k), and bought the fucking place back. Awesome!

Now, I understand that not everyone can afford to be so selfless and dedicated to community. I sure can't. But even if you can't do something like Tom to try to give back to a community, the least you could do is not shit all over it. I'm talking about begging favors in the name of community, then pulling stakes, leaving disgusting amounts of debt, jobless locals, and a vacant building in a barely recovering part of town. Yes, I'm still bitter about that. And I will be until they either move back into a depressed area of Pittsburgh or rename their beer "Pissy Swill sold by Shady, Backstabbing Bastards".

Such can not be said about Tom Pastorius. Brewermaster, entrepreneur, yinzer, awesome dude. Here's to you!

So that's the story as I heard it, and I have now done my part to usher in the death of journalism by spewing unchecked facts and rumors into the blogosphere. Feel free to read about what really happened but it will probably be less entertaining.

Sorry if you started reading this before I was done, I hit some key combination that posted it in the middle of writing.

Victory is Ours!

2009-12-11T05:00:00.010-05:00

Another battle has been won in the great Pennsylvania war on booze. The winning side? The alkies of course.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09344/1019972-100.stm

A little over a year ago, a restaurant by the name of Baba D's wanted to open up a new location on Carson Street in the South Side region of Pittsburgh. The owner purchased the property, spend $600K renovating the place, and applied for his liquor license in preparation for opening night. Pittsburgh City Council's response. "Go Fuck yourself."

Yes, I know he's County, not City, but Mayor Opie is his lapdog.

Obviously the owner, Mr. Najib Aboud, was a little put off by this. It appeared that the City wouldn't issue a license do to over saturation of the area. What that meant, besides what happens to my pants whenever a watch Honor Blackman in old episodes of The Avengers, was that there were too many bars within a 50,000 square foot area. How many is too many? 62 bars to be precise. Well that doesn't seem all that unreasonable, but let's to the math, shall we. 50,000 sq-ft divided by 5280 ft in a mile squared, carry the box of hamster food and an enema for uncle Steve (the two are completely unrelated, i swear), and multiply by the number of Tiger Wood's mistresses...ahh yes. That's an area of 1.148 acres or 0.0018 square mile. That is 62 bars in 0.0018 square miles, or more precisely, one bar for every 806 sq-ft. HOLY SHIT! The limit the City set is 53. Why 53? Because 54 bars is obviously pushing it. What are you, retarded?

I've been around the Country and around the World, and in all my travels, I have yet to find a place with such a large and highly concentrated number of bars as Carson Street in Pittsburgh. The South Side bar scene, is basically a 1.3 mile stretch of road running from the 10th Street Bridge to the Hot Metal Bridge, and it is lined on both sides with nothing but bars and the occational diner or mom n' pop shop mixed in.

The city actually purchased an 8ft x 8ft plot of land in the middle of it to put up a pay toilet, so people would stop urinating in the alleys, on the sides of the building, or even just outside to front door of the bar.

And this isn't just a bunch of random dive bars. No, Carson Street has something to satisfy everyone's taste. There's the classic Americana at places like Mario's or Dee's Cafe. If you're into death metal try visiting the Smiling Moose. The Tiki Lounge has stools and tables made from tree trunks, and a real witch doctor who hang around the back (I think his name is Pete). Hippies and yuppies can share a drink in harmony at the HKAN Hookah Bar and Lounge. The snobs are free to drug their women at Paparazzi's (No seriously, I've seen it happen on several occasions myself. Girls stay away from there). You can listen to some great live blues at the Blue Note Cafe. Shootz is the place to go for football and pool. And complete drunken debauchery can be had at the other 54 bars you have to choose from. Casey's Draft House even has a midget that comes out every 15 minutes to poor shots.

...I think he's actually the owner.

Well, it looks like Baba D's can finally wipe the dust off their back bar. Drinking establishment #63, welcome to the neighborhood. Let's get shitfaced.

Come on, who's gonna ever find out?

2009-12-10T11:56:00.000-05:00

The biggest problem facing modern drinkers? Cameras.

Everyone has at least three cameras on their person at any given time. Every single device sold at Best Buy has a fucking camera in it. Every phone, PDA, mp3 player, cigarette lighter, and toaster strudel has a fucking camera built into it for no damn reason. I hear tell they're even working on a camera that has a little camera mounted on top. And for the most part, these devices go unused. Because they're shit. The reason your lipstick case has a camera in it is because the camera is so substandard that it cost almost no money to build one into it. If someone really wants to take pictures of something, they bring a camera that isn't embedded into a coffee mug because even if it's 12 years old and went through the wash in your jacket pocket a few times, it takes far superior pictures.

As a result, the hand sanitizer with the shitty Chinese CCD chip in the lid stays in your brother's girlfriend's purse... until someone does something stupid.

That's how you get this

This Day in Booze: The 21st Amendment

2009-12-05T06:09:00.021-05:00

Do I really need to say anything about this day. It's the freak'n end of prohibition. The Eighteenth Amendment was repealed upon the ratification of the Twenty-first Amendment on December 5, 1933 at 3:32 pm. The United States of America had been dry for 13 years, 10 months, 19 days, 17 hours, 32.5 minutes....well, sort of.

The Noble Experiment Failed, but at this time of rejoicing we should look back on those 13 years and what long term effects they have on the shaping of today.

Yes, for the people that lived it, Prohibition was Hell. Regardless of the original game plan, there were unintended consequences. Some of the worst things to come out of prohibition, besides no booze, were bad booze (poison), organized crime, sobriety, lost jobs when the breweries shut down, the common man turned criminal just for trying to make a living, and a flat out disrespect for the law.

But if you really take some time to look at Prohibition, you notice that not all the unintended consequences were for the worse. I never though I'd say this, but prohibition in a lot of ways was good for society. Now before you decide to string me up by the balls for heresy (I like my balls) hear me out.

Prohibition was responsible for introducing American's to a vast wealth of foreign spirits. Since what was being produced locally at the time was little better than paint thinner with a touch of caramel and formaldehyde, the importation of liquor from abroad helped to diversify America's pallet. Whiskey from Canada was much smoother than American rye or bourbon, and is still extremely popular today. Tequila was all but unknown to anybody who didn't live in the South West or California, but as soon as booze was made illegal, the entire country was ¡Hurra por la bebida! Shiploads of rum, which had fallen out of favor after the revolution due to cost, were park just 3 miles off the coast of Florida. There were also scotches from the U.K., cordials from France, schnapps from Europe, and the list goes on.

Speakeasies. So long sausage fest! Hello all you can eat Tacos! OK, I admit that was a little much, but women in bars?! Astounding!

Finally it was acceptable for men and women to socialize in the same place. You can also find links to the suffrage movement and the beginning of women's social independence. Not only did the quality of the company improve, but so did people's view the bar scene. It was no longer a place to just hang out with the guys and talk about how much life sucked. Now it was an opportunity to mingle and entertain oneself on a Wednesday night. During this time the bartender was able to hone his craft, even if it was simply to mask the awful taste of the poison they were serving. But that didn't stop people form frequenting such establishments, and thanks to Prohibition the "cocktail hour" was born.

The dawn of the tourism industry owes it's roots to Prohibitions. Prior to the 1920s, traveling abroad just for the fun of it was a concept your average American never really thought about. But without good booze to be had locally, the industry took off with a fury. The Caribbean and Havana were especially popular places, and it was on these trips that American's were introduced to even more unique spirits and cocktails. As the industry grew, you have the birth of Pan Am and other major airlines and cities like Miami grew exponentially. All of this meant jobs and growth for the community as well.

Those are just the biggies. Some of the other benefits to arise from Prohibition include the government issue of industrial alcohol licenses, which meant more research into yeasts (nice for us homebrewers). In 1919, the Scientific American Publishing Company published "Home Made Beverages: The Manufacture of Non-Alcoholic and Alcoholic Drinks in the Household" in which vendors sold small barrels, simple stills, guides for distilling techniques. Don't ask me how a book on making non-alcoholic beverages is able to sell stills during Prohibition. I just report the facts. The rum industry was making some of the best quality rum ever, until WWII and things went to shit.

Now even though all these good things came out of prohibition, is any of this going to stop me from celebrating it's demise this evening in grand fashion? Nope. But just remember that even good things can come from bad situations. Except for Fuzzy Blueberry Fail. Nothing good comes of that.

Update: Anybody else have more good unintended consequences that came out of Prohibition? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

CAMRA, BrewDog, BJCP Styles and (Grand) Pappy Protz

2009-12-04T12:41:00.000-05:00

Well, there is yet more controversy around BrewDog. As a blogger, I'm legally required to write about this. They've tried to push the limits of brewing, and especially British brewing, to the breaking point-- using, horrors of horrors, Champagne Yeast and traditional German techniques. Bowing to the French and Germans, about beer no less, naturally set off CAMRA, and even the usually level headed Roger Protz, who is the singular reason I went gay for CAMRA. Protz, as detailed beautifully over at Brookston, was refusing to call this beer. This story was reported there better than I can do myself.

What I can add here are two things, one about my speculation of what Brew Dog might do to British brewing, the other about our interpretation of British beer as Americans, through the guise of the BJCP. As Brew Dog pushes the limits of British Brewing, they run the risk of running themselves out of business. There are great traditional breweries, sure, but there are a large number of startups that brew ultra-traditional brews because they sell, mainly to CAMRA. These breweries could expand to doing more creative beers, in established markets and with established tones. Perhaps they could even bring back the Old Ales, Barleywines and XXXX beers so well established and discussed by Shut Up About Barclay Perkins. Not to mention, there are 3.5% alcohol beers in the UK that pack much more, and more appropriate, ranges of flavors into the medium than many of the 7-9% Brewdog beers have done. These masterful breweries, if invited to do more 'American' style beers, could likely whomp the whippersnappers at Brewdog, if their base would let them. As a CAMRA member of dubious standing, I say go on.

As Americans, we believe in antiquarian British beers. We want the beers of our forefathers when they were stationed there, hence the continued inclusion of Southern English Brown, a beer I have never seen popularly mentioned in two years of living there and numerous trips back since (including being at the GBBF and Festivals south of the Thames). The BJCP, following a mission of preservation, are nice enough to keep these styles alive, but it belies what we want from British beer. It is also what the flat-caps and bearded wierdies (both of which I qualify for at times) of CAMRA want. British beer is marketable as twee, and while some lovely baby steps have been made, this wholesale attack by Brewdog might be shortsighted. As I mentioned above, they could easily be beat by expansions in the product line by the most traditional brewers. They also will open up the UK to the amazing, longer standing, American beers. While I wish them luck, enjoy their beers and think they do put a bit of a UK spin on things, I'd be more interested in a British version of a US IIPA or even an American (Texas) Brown with UK hops and malts, rather than Dogfish Head: Scotland.

Twenty Things Worth Knowing About Beer

2009-12-03T01:40:00.002-05:00

If you haven't figured it out yet, you're supposed to click on that image to go to a different website that has a nifty little thing called "Twenty Things Worth Knowing About Beer".

If you have figured that out, then you're not drunk enough. Go get more booze.

BJCP Results and Feedback

2009-12-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

After a protracted battle with the mailman, My BJCP results finally got to me. I thought I'd share a concise version here, for those of you thinking of studying for the exam or curious about the organization.

The program puts a lot of clear care into the examinations. The packet I received had a members guide, a neat color chart, pin, list of my previous experience, certificate and, of course, the results.

I scored a 76 on the written. My exam was well balanced between the technical and style ability. The first comment I got was about my poor handwriting and losing some data in copying by writing in the margins. I knew the former to be a peoblem, but the latter was disappointing not to know about before the test. Still, I should have thought they'd be copied. As that is my only complaint, It should be evidence of how highly I think of this process.

On the style questions, I did well on recalling the styles, classic examples and comparisons. My answers were still short on depth and I am missing some specific details on aspects.the German lager question, which was the one I knew least about before studying turned out to be my strongest answer.

Technically, I lacked depth and missed a lot of details. In particular I did not provide enough detail about decoction, how to manipulate body and I overlooked techniques to balance and work with biterness, wort chilling, water chemistry and aeration. All of this reflects areas where I am inexperienced in brewing. I am impressed by how well the test reflects what I feel are my weakest areas in my knowledge.

I scored an 80 on tasting, so I can't imagine needing to retake it for years to come, which is exciting! I scored close to the proctors on 3 questions (within 2) and was 18 points high on the last. I generally gave decent feedback. I had a lot of trouble detecting wood flavors and also some issues with esters and sherry notes. This is consistent with my prior judging experience. I overused 'some' and 'good', and the program would rather see me use intensity indicators. This isn't surprising and I am glad to be given a means to correct this overuse of vague terminology.

The feedback I got was much more detailed than the overview I gave here. I am an OK brewer with a solid knowledge of brewing, and I feel that has been reflected here. My pallette is better than my ability to write about what I find. I will delve into the recommended reading (Michael Jackson, George Fix) and will think about taking the test again once I have 15 points or so. Right now I am happy to be a certified judge and know I have a lot to learn from many very nice people before I move into the more top tier of judges.

Fermentation Friday for November-- Roundup

2009-12-01T12:52:00.000-05:00

Sorry for my late roundup, I spent most of yesterday sleeping off the excesses of the holiday. Thankfully R. Dicks (r huge) held us down here at JABB, telling us about how he's the special friend who gets to help with the brewing. He downplays his contribution a bit, I think, as he's been hosting the brewing and I think has caught the bug. I expect him to be up and running a massive system by this time next year, and incorporated two after that! As mentioned before, Adam talked about his natural independence,and the guys he brews with. He left out his place as a central node of the homebrew blogging community; perhaps even a community organizer. Bob talks about trying to find a community and reaching out to the internet when the physical community won't materialize. My suggestion, if I may, start a local club, you can't have too many. The brew dudes rank order their community, centered on their family and friends who support and consume the product. Next are their blog followers, and finally the forums, twitter and facebook.

Well, how about me. I love the local clubs, I attend three (CBS, NHC and HOPS!) and belong officially to HOPS! I take something different from each, HOPS! brings me a community I sorely lacked when I moved to Chicago. The CBS is full of old-time brewers, many of whom have gone on to some major notoriety. Their first Thursday meetings bring in a variety of brews, both commercial and homebrew, from throughout Chicago land. The NHC is full of people pushing the boundaries of what a beer can be, which is fun.

A second community I love is the BJCP, where I'm a certified judge and learn a lot from the other judges and tasting a variety of homebrew. Finally, I'm active on the BN forums and even donate. I consume the podcasts and it keeps me occupied on slow days at work.

Finally, my biggest community are my co-bloggers here, who put up with my incessant beer discussions over IM and e-mail and keep me from being lonely, thanks guys.

Must Be!

2009-11-30T10:00:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I'm sorry I didn't post for Fermentation Friday, I was busy moving all week. However, I do have a shiny nugget of alcohol-induced insanity for Monday Hangover:

I'm not sure Dylan captures the whole "Christmas spirit" thing, what with the Hasidic musicians and drunken brawls, but it sure looks like a party I'd love to be at!

My Brew Crew

2009-11-29T19:15:00.007-05:00

When B. James and McPaddy started brewing beer about 3-4 years ago I thought it was the coolest thing in the world. When they let me join in on their brewing actvities, they took me under their wing and guided and nurtured me like the special child I am. I was like the small boy the officer lets sit in the front of the squad car and play with the siren, or the kid the airline pilot lets sit in his lap and steer the plane.

I was on top of the world. But in my world, they were the Beirmeisters and I was only the lowely apprentice.

When I think about the guys I've brewed with, I think we all have something different to offer to the beer making process. Each of us has a different idea of what perfection is. McPaddy definitely likes the hops more than the rest of us, I love a nice rich malty Scotch Ale, while B. James' preferences lie with dismantling the emersion cooler and making a still.

The point is, we all have different individual preferences, but that is exactly what a good beer needs. Balance. My contribution is they let me play with the Auto-siphon. One of the few things I can't screw up.

Fermentation Friday for November, Roundup 1

2009-11-28T11:21:00.001-05:00

Hey, we're still waiting on some more contributors for FF and will be posting a full roundup on Monday. So far Adam keep up his natural Pennsylvanian independence by figuring stuff out himself, with help from the Internet and his local clubs and shops, and some hindrance from his friends. Independent though he may be, he still is a central node for a lot of beer bloggers, which he has the humility not to mention, so I will.

Bob tells us about his search for a club, the weird brewing patterns of Texans and his ability to tap into an ephemeral cloud of knowledge to feed his habit. Is sounds like he's doing it the old-school way some of the pioneers have done it, which is nice to see. Check out the rest of his site, and send him some sympathy for missing the hunt this year, no one up here has so much as seen anything with antlers!

This Day in Booze: Willis-Campbell Act

2009-11-23T12:03:00.013-05:00

OK, I postponed this till a little later in the day so as not to step on the feet of King Cool. ...Who am I kidding. I was too busy yesterday getting drunk and too busy this morning nursing my headache to write anything even semi-coherent.

Ahh, Prohibition. When you’re having a rough day, you can always count on it to brighten things up knowing that people had it a lot tougher 80-90 years ago. At least in this day and age, you can go down to any corner bar and drink your troubles away.

Alcohol during the early years of prohibition was treated very similarly to how California handles marijuana today. Alcohol was illegal, but there was a work around. It was called the doctor’s office. Booze was only legal if you had a doctor's prescription, and it didn't take long before doctors were writing scripts for everything from back pain to a paper cut. Just like pot today, alcohol was the cure for everything.

Of course we all know the truth. Everybody knows that for every 100 prescriptions that some California wack job writes for pot only maybe one is for something legitimate, like glaucoma. Personally I think the Government should just legalize it already and then tax the shit out of it. But that's a another subject for another realm of the blogosphere.

But it does relate back to prohibition and this day. With all the prescriptions for liquor, and the booze industry actually making more money than they did prior to prohibition, it didn't take long for President Harding to realize that his mother-in-law's weekly drunken nude stumble through the Rose Garden had little to do with easing the pain of her bunions.

So on November 23rd, 1921, President Harding signed the Willis-Campbell Act (also known as the anti-beer bill), which forbade doctors from prescribing beer and liquor for medicinal purposes. So no more booze for Grandma and here sore hip. No more booze for Aunt May and her chronic depression. No more booze for Uncle Jack and his addiction to ...booze. No more fun for anybody.

According to Wikipedia, the most reliable source for anything on the interwebs, "The Act kept in force all anti-liquor tax laws that had been in place prior to the passage of the Volstead Act in 1919, giving authorities to right to choose whether or not to prosecute offenders under prohibition laws or revenue laws, but at the same time guaranteeing bootleggers that they would not be prosecuted in both ways." I guess I could take some time to explain what that all means, but really that's too much work for my brain on a Monday. You should be lucky I'm writing this at all, given my current condition.

Donnie Iris Don't Work at Pants N'at!

2009-11-23T01:41:00.010-05:00

He's got his own beer!

In case you don't know who Donnie is, this will confuse yinz even more.

Metro, NHC Winter Brew Off

2009-11-20T13:20:00.000-05:00

Its been a good couple of days for beer up here in Chicago's "Little Sweden". On Wednesday the fine folks over at Metropolitan Brewing sold me an empty keg, helped me make it into a boil kettle, tried some of my homebrew and even let me sample the new Dopplebock. It is great, smooth and malty with little hint of the 8+% abv under the hood. The whole crew were also all that is gracious in showing me around and making me feel at home. As I live a scant 1.5 blocks from the brewery, I hope to see them around.

Last night Metro had a release party for the Dopplebock at In Fine Spirits, where I hadn't been before. It was a great time, and I'm a few pins and a lot of knowledge richer (also some tasty samples). The Dopplebock casoulet sounded good, but I had to run to another local bar for the Northside Homebrewer's Connection winter brew-off. Winner got a cash prize and to make their beer at the bar. Spoiler, it wasn't our porter, but the winning beer was very good, a nice muddy stout (their words, not mine) with loads of chocolate, some vanilla and a a medium-thin base of what I gather was an American LME. The effect was entrancing, in that sometimes it was clearly chocolate (especially in the aroma) whereas the flavor moved from chocolate to peanut butter to a good clean finish. The bittering levels were on point to show off the pyrotechnics of the brew.

I kept getting asked what my favorite was, but I can't say I know. I certainly enjoyed our own beer, an aggressive American Robust Porter and my first foray into Ahtanum hops, which are flowery to the point of pollen and are my new obsession. These are one of the secret ingredients to the 21st Amendment's Back in Black IPA, one of my five favorite beers. Our porter was just a porter, a few people kindly remarked it was the one beer they could see having more than one pint of, as opposed to the other more extreme (maybe radical) beers on tap that night, not as a slight to those beers, but to note the delineation between radical and not-radical, if I had to pick a nomenclature.

The second place beer was a great brown ale. I didn't notice the extremeness right away, but I'm told it was a heavy dose of palm sugar. It just tasted like a good, rather sweet, moderately bitter, low hopped brown ale. I'm hoping they put the recipe out there some time. The other brown ale (But Wait There's More... Billy Mays Brown Ale) was bourbon barreled, which was pretty obvious right away. The backing beer was nicely done and showed off the whiskey immensly. Ted (the fearless leader) and his team ran up a fun and funny Coal Porter, which was, oxymoronically, smoky. For those who don't follow malt production, the use of coke to make malt is when beers stopped being smoky. It is a quadruple pun as a result (can you get all 4?). The smoke was a surprise, but pleasant, well balanced into the beer and not overwhelming. The beer stood up well to the added pizzaz, though that is not a surprise given Ted's talents. I can't say much about the host beers at Hamburger Mary's as my pallete and thirst were overwhelmed by the homebrew on display and I didn't have many. I will fix that soon enough (turns out, they get a lot of steelers lovers up there).

As a loyal Southsider in comfortable exile way on the northside, I sometimes feel weird being in both clubs. No one else seems to care, at all, but I notice some crazy difference between them. I think one is the attitude to beer. The southside club is very style and technique oriented, but having a quorum of BJCP judges and both award winning and pro brewers as current or former members will do that to you. The North Side club is very experimental, with people always pushing the envelope to make beers they can't buy elsewhere and no one else ever came up with. Mind you, they also have a cadre of award winners and pros. Maybe it is the proximity of the meetings to the most radical brewer of them all that brings out the weird. The major difference for me is in what people want when you have their beer. I think this comes with age, the NHC is a much younger club and I don't know any of them well, I'm not sure they know each other that well either. Their is more formal politeness and the beer evaluation focuses on what is good. The food, also, was amazing at the meeting I made. The southside group are old friends, brewing together for ten plus years. Punches are not pulled and criticism is the mandate of the day. I like both, though I'm naturally suited to the latter. Learning the former is a good lesson for me, but being asked, "what do you think of this beer" remains a hard question to answer.

Remember, we are hosting this month's Fermentation Friday, where we ask about your homebrew community. We'll take submissions all next week and will post our wrap-up on Monday, November 30th. Also, remember that our top referee between November 1st and the end of the year gets a JABB care package.

Fermentation Friday for November

2009-11-11T10:38:00.002-05:00

Adam has been kind enough to let us host Fermentation Friday this month and we couldn't be more excited while still sober. While we are all about the hangover, the topic this month is your homebrew community. For us, this blog serves as that, though people sometimes think we're but one split personality writing in triplicate. Sadly, that is what happens when you come through cub scouts together. Aside from the blog, we each have our own communities as well. I love the Chicago Homebrew Scene, twitter, judging and my love hate relationship with CAMRA (where I went fake-gay for membership). bJames loves him some homebrewing at Paddy's, and Richard Dicks takes it on the road, across the ocean, with his family, and in his home.

The task we set out is as follows: Please tell us about your homebrew communities. Are you into the BN, BA, weblogs and other 1337 f0rm5 of 21st century brewing? Do you while away the evenings in crowded halls with you area's finest, sampling and talking homebrew into the wee hours? Does your brew crew keep you sane? Or do you get your fix sitting at the bar plotting the next move? How do you keep them all going and what does each bring to your life?

Since FF is the day after Thanksgiving this month, we'll take comments, linked to this posting, any time that week. Our roundup will help you ease back into the work week on Monday the 30th of November. As an added bonus to the homebrew blogging community- we will send a JABB care package to our highest referee between now and the New Year.

BJCP = Passed

2009-11-11T07:00:00.013-05:00

I got my BJCP exam notification this evening. I passed and am excited!! Surprisingly, I did better on tasting than written-- tongue over brain, I tells ya. I'll fill you all in more when I get the actual paperwork in hand later this week or early next. ~~At least one~~ Both of my HOPS! brothers who took it with me also got their results, nailing pretty stellar scores at that! Cabeza y lengua!

Chicago Notables

2009-11-10T14:17:00.001-05:00

So, I haven't blogged in a minute, sorry about that. What has gone on... I went out to the CBS Spooky Brew and got to judge with the ever-fascinating Jeff Sparrow, which was an amazing learning experience as always, especially since we were doing Strong Belgians. I also got to judge the worst (smashed pumpkin) and scariest (spooky brew) with Randy Mosher, the legend himself, pictures to follow. A double surprise was that he judged my category-- I can't wait to get the score sheets back (I took my bronze home with me). I guess I should bold those names to make this seem even more like a gossip blog. I took home another shameful bronze, though I lost to a guy I know who took both the silver and gold. Next time I'm gunning for him!

Its wild to get to meet these guys and get to judge with them. I've even had the good sense to read a few of their books since first meeting them, though not enough sense to read all of them. Mosher's new book on tasting beers is amazing.

Enough name dropping and I don't have much more to add right now. I've had some awesome beers, but got tired to twittering them of late. Instead, I'm obsessed by this cat journal comic, written by a fellow Chicagoan.

No school like old school.

2009-11-02T02:13:00.003-05:00

Why ask why - Fermentation Friday

2009-10-30T07:00:00.001-04:00

... Even in the blogosphere some of you are old enough to complete that line, but the true answer here isn't drinking Bud Dry. But it is related to other forms of low-alcohol beer.

Starting from the beginning, I brew because B James brews and showed me how when I was around visiting one time. I was amazed, he didn't make it look too complicated and the end product was good. As an added bonus it puts men in the kitchen for the day, which I support. Prior to this spate of brewing we had wanted to make whiskey, but it is clearly illegal and not something we aspire to or participate in at all. Fast forward another year and I keep meeting home-brewers. Brewers who live in smaller apartments than I do and produce passable and sometimes even good beers. All this with nothing but a pot and a closet to keep some sort of bucket. Amazingly, the technological barriers to making beer just faded away over that year.

The motivation was slower to come. I spent two years living in the UK, drinking huge, flavorful, low carbonation and low-alcohol pints. Coming back to the states, everything flavorful seemed to be very high in alcohol, which is not conducive to having a pint with a long lunch, or when coming home before getting on with an evening's work. Mind you, the culture wasn't too conducive to that either. I also moved to Chicago, where the apartments seem luxurious in their spaciousness compared to everywhere else I'd lived for a while. So I had the motivation to start brewing. The means came via the wedding registry.

But there is a deeper story here, one of ornery self reliance. The first good beer I ever had was from a Vermont farmer who passed me a ported after I helped him bale a bunch of hay when I was 17. And I do come from true whiskey country. I brew, in short, because I like creating a product that I can't get conveniently. The freedom of expression is certainly liberating and the wrangling of yeast, temperature and malt is clearly an entertaining challenge. Applying the self-same obsession to research and experimentation that keeps me out of the rain and on my own schedule for work has been a nice surprise. In the end, I brew so I can have beer. At the moment I break about even, including equipment, for the amount of beer I drink or give away. Planned upgrades will make that less so, as would an inclusion of my time in the equation. Still, I don't brew when I would otherwise be working, I brew when I'd otherwise be sitting around playing video games. Of the two, brewing might be healthier.

Thanks, as always, to Adam for putting this together and the CNYBrew for hosting. We here at JABB are hosting November's Fermentation Friday. The topic will be, "Tell us about your homebrew communities." We are announcing early and often because of Thanksgiving and will post a wrap up the Monday following, to ease you back into the working world.

Explosive Fermentation

2009-10-29T09:47:00.019-04:00

Yesterday I had not one, but two volcanic eruptions in my basement. It all started with Sunday's match up between the Steelers and Vikings. B. James and his girlfriend(wife) came over to watch the game, grill up some food and brew some beer. Late in 4th quarter, after like his 5th sack, Bret Favre kind of just laid on the field in the fetal position, not wanting to get up.

That was our cue. Time to make some beer.

Brewing went well. We did everything perfectly. We sterilized everything thoroughly, followed the recipe to a tee, chilled down the wort to 70 degrees in under a half hour, pitched the yeast, transferred to the fermenter, and sealed the airlock with cheap vodka. It was time to begin the drinking ...er, waiting game.

8 hours passed, no bubbles. 12 hours passed, no bubbles. 24 hours passed, no bubbles. 36 hours passed, no bubbles. 48 hours passed, ...OH MY GOD! THE BUBBLES!!!

I come home from work to find the lid of the bucket covered in thick brown sludge and the airlock is bubbling forth with happy little yeast farts. Yea!

We were getting worried, and were glad we didn't have to resort to our backup plan to get the yeast going, which was letting my pet guinea pig take a swim in the bucket.

It may have been a slow start, but things quickly got out of hand. I wake up yesterday morning (this is the first morning after bubbles started the night before) to find my basement has fallen victim to a volcanic eruption. We're talking Mount Saint Fuck'n Helen!

I see thick foamy head oozing out of the bucket, the lid is lying on the ground 10 feet away, and it looks like an elephant's ass had exploded in my basement.

I cleaned everything up, resterilized the lid before putting it back on, and went off to work. But it wasn't done there. Hoping that the yeast had gotten it all out of it's system the night before, I come home to find another volcanic eruption. This one was tamer, but no less messy. This was one of those slow moving lava flows. You know the ones that a 2 year old could out run, and yet some grown man always seems to be caught off guard and killed by it. The sludge had oozed out and formed a nice pond and river of filth through my basement. Once again, I cleaned everything up. Now I have the bucket sitting in a large basin in hopes to contain any further mishaps.

I guess the only comforting thing is knowing that if the yeast is that active, it's got to be choking out any bacteria that might try to get a foot hold in the batch. I could probably take a crap in the bucket and still come out with good beer.

...ok, maybe not.

Beer Menus Chicago

2009-10-27T17:02:00.000-04:00

Beer Menus just launched in Chicago, or at least, this is the first I've seen or heard of it. I love beer menus, as we all know. Now, hunting for a particular pint won't be so hard, and I can comparison shop the vastly ranging prices here in town. They also seem to have a community that might be more congenial than the Chicago Beer Advocate forums here.

But I've got some issues with the local BAs. Maybe its hipster ~~envy~~ hatred; having two jobs, a wife and responsibilities will do that to a much better man than me. But I think it has more to do with the fetishizing of beer to the level of wine snobbery. I've seen some recent threads on there that remind me of the main reason I rarely go on-- not the long-winded reviews, but the venemous bile that greet them. Another would be the embarrassingly slow load times. The third is they are run out of Boston, and that place bugs me, but that is my problem not theirs. The fourth is the uneasy morass I feel when attending the Chicago Beer Society First Thursdays.

When I first started to go to CBS meetings, the combination of my beard and being under 30 got me mistaken for a BA member who wandered back to try some homebrew, having exhausted all of the commercial options available. Bringing my own brews helped, a bit. It was unfortunate that my first CBS meeting was after the BA started 'sharing' space with them, but I've heard stories of former glory at the homebrew meetings. Today it just seems like two ill-defined groups uneasily jockeying for position. Well, I'd say that if I felt the BA people ever realized they were placed on top of a long standing group; why they two meetings got scheduled together still baffles my mind. I should mention here I am in no way officially affiliated with either of these organizations, having never actually joined CBS (despite a valiant effort thwarted by the post-office). I've gotten great feedback from the CBSers, but I'd love to know if the meetings used to be as educational and intense as I've heard.

My own bile aside, I'm glad to see Beer Menus has made it off the least coast and into the heartland of beer drinking country. Welcome guys.

Stereotypes, alcohol, and advertising.

2009-10-26T02:06:00.001-04:00

Still... funny commercials!

Friday Linkage

2009-10-23T07:00:00.001-04:00

Today was meant to be the start of our technical Friday postings. We've been criticized for not having enough information on the blog to balance our enormous opinions. It is a fair criticism, and one levied by opinions I trust. In fact, those same people just started a blog of their own. I happily send our over now to the Homebrewers Pride of the Southside (HOPS!) blog, tended by and on behalf of my brothers and sisters in HOPS!

Speaking of HOPS!, we had a very nice night yesterday at the Chicago Rock Bottom. I know, I know, we're pretty anti-corporate, anti-chain on the blog here, or at least I am (some people loving High Life almost as much as square-bottled brown liquor). But Rock Bottom in Chicago is really great. Pete Crowley, who has always treated us well, outdid himself in both his beer quality and generosity last night. I started the evening with his 'American Bitter,' which was like a British bitter if it was cleaner (by which I mean it tasted like beer more than candy apple) and had cleaner US hops. I also had a bit of his Bourbon Barrel, which has won numerous awards. The standout for me was his Oatmeal Stout, which was extremely hoppy and smooth with an amazingly chewy mouth feel. To top it off we were seated just next to the proprietors of my nearest brewery, the mighty Metropolitan. I enjoyed it enough to finally join the mug club, which I think means I get bigger servings of beer, but I'm unclear about that. I'm happy to support those guys either way.

There might be a technical report this weekend on some brewing I've been doing. Then again I might actually work from home tomorrow instead of looking up cheap ways to build new brewing stands and getting some kegs to keggle-ize.

Excuses, excuses...

2009-10-22T01:35:00.003-04:00

I don't want to go all yinzer on your ass... but I'm going to anyway.

There's bumper stickers that say Pittsburgh is a drinking town with a football problem. I don't believe in bumper stickers, and I don't believe in that saying. I also don't believe in the chupacabra.

It's not just football that Pittsburghers go crazy for, and as evidence to back up my claim, I present to you last years Stanley Cup champs: The Pittsburgh Penguins.

Yinzers love em. When they won it all last year, there was a parade and some moderate rioting (ok, more like drunken stumbling, but the National Guard was there to keep an eye on them, so I say that counts). So is Pittsburgh just a sports town, maybe? A city that embraces the sporting lifestyle and all that goes with it?

And we don't even have an NBA team. If Pittsburgh was a sports town, there would be professional basketball and the baseball stadium would have more fans than players on an average night. So why all the drunken revelry for the Steelers and the Penguins? Perhaps Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger could help explain.

I put it to you that Pittsburgh is a drinking town with a drinking problem, and I think Ben would enthusiastically agree. It can get cold and boring in Pittsburgh during the winter, and we have a cultural history of absolutely hating our slavish industrial jobs. I mean, there's a reason a "boiler maker" is called a "boiler maker", and not a "starving artist" or an "interior decorator". For about a century, Pittsburgh jobs were oppressive and soul-crushing, but would support your family well. So you toughed it out, and after a particularly tough day at the foundry, coke furnaces, or rolling mill, you'd drink Imperial and Iron City until your cares eased up just a little. Those jobs are gone, for good or for ill, but the attitude is permanently ingrained in Pittsburgh culture.

So what does that have to do with football and hockey? Nothing, really. And that's my point. You see, sporting events just are a good excuse to get together and booze it up. And in Pittsburgh, this shows in our sports broadcasts. Let me show you. Below are pictures of Pittsburgh's most famous sportscasters:

Now here are pictures of Pittsburgh sportscasters who never spent a sober moment on the air:

The one on the left is Myron Cope, long-time Steelers announcer. He's dead now, may he rest in drunken peace. The one on the right is Penguins announcer Mike Lange. He was fired for being too drunk on the air too often. And by "too often" I mean every game from start to finish. He calls the Penguins games on the radio now, drunk as ever, and they replaced him with these guys:

Bob Errey, a former Penguin, and Paul Steigerwald, Mike Lange's original sidekick. The station was hoping to bring a little more sobriety to their broadcasts, and they were sorely disappointed. Bob and Steigy did their damndest to drink as much as their predecessor, which we estimated by how audibly drunk they were, must have been shots at the periods and shots for each Penguins goal.

After that year, the station waited till the very last minute to renew their contracts, and Bob and Steigy definitely played it more sober after that; to the detriment of the broadcasts, I feel. But don't get me wrong, they still booze it up like pros. It's just not every night that they show up already tanked, though that does sometimes still happen. When Bob shows up too drunk, they put him between the benches of the two teams to sober up. It's his own personal penalty box.

Hell, there's even a blog dedicated to amusing things Bob says when he gets too drunk on the air! But Steigy is no slouch. Nosir. Often by the wrap-up commentary, he has dry mouth and is a bit uneasy. You can usually tell who drank most of the booze that night by who does all the talking. If the wrap-up is all Bob, you'll often see Steigy leaning towards Bob, looking up at him as if Bob were made of solid chocolate and Steigy was thinking about taking a big bite. Once he asked Bob to show the people his "pretty teeth", as he had survived a career in the NHL with all of them in-tact. Bob wasn't quite sure how to react. One night Steigy was visibly starting to throw up a little and was swallowing it back. Now that's dedication! I bet as soon as your lunch starts to rise in your throat, you call off work. But not Paul Steigerwald! And when Bob drinks the lion's share of booze, he slurs his speech, says confusing or inappropriate things about the other team, or sometimes just sits in silence and tries not to fall over.

The station tries so hard to remove intoxication from their broadcasts, but every attempt fails. This is Pittsburgh! It's expected. It's integral. It's necessary! What they don't understand is that, for the viewers, it gets the party going. Two excited guys on the air having a good time, interested in the same stuff you are, stewed to the fucking gills. And when another station like NBC or VS shows a Penguins game, everyone in the city bitches until they get their next fix of Bob and Steigy.

So one night at Paddy's, we all decided to try to keep pace with Bob and Steigy. It started out with shots of whiskey and vodka for the first goal. Then another for the second, and a third round for the end of the first period. By the fourth goal, we had to use dark and spiced rum for the shots, as the vodka and whiskey were gone. The fifth goal and end of the second kicked the rum. By the third period, we had to use random liqueurs and puckers for the last two goals, and the end of the game was toasted with whatever we could find. Paddy was pretty much out of liquor, and we were all fall-down drunk. If you want to realize how truly gifted these two announcers are, give it a try yourself sometime. Make sure you give your keys to someone who isn't playing along.

And if folks were really interested in the game for the sake of the game, they wouldn't go to bars and parties to watch. Richard's wife is that way. She is fanatical about all Pittsburgh sports. She often doesn't want to join us at a bar or a party to watch a Penguins or Steelers game. Why? Well, because we do stupid shit like I just described. She feels she doesn't really get to watch the game in those settings. And she's absolutely right! You don't really get to see much of the game. It's loud, people are talking and distracting, and if you're drinking heavily you're going to miss the nuances of the game. So if she's genuinely interested in the game, what about everyone else? Are they more interested in drinking and socializing than they are in the game? Yes.

Sports aren't really the point, they're just the excuse. Like going to a Halloween party. Are you more concerned about the quality of the sexy police woman costume, or the fact that it covers nearly none of the girl wearing it? The costumes are just an excuse, not the reason. And to most Pittsburghers, sports are the same way. Sure, I like to see the Steelers and the Penguins win, and I think it's awesome that they're both the national champs this year; but I wouldn't refuse to go out drinking if a game wasn't on. Some would, though. They need that excuse. "I'm not getting plastered on a Tuesday for no reason, the Pens are on!" Me? I need no excuse. So gimme a call, and we'll head dahn tahn and get all fucked up n'at!

I'm not ashamed to say Pittsburgh is a drinking town with a drinking problem. And I'm a proud part of that problem! And to those teams that are seeing low attendance in Pittsburgh *cough* Pirates *cough*, maybe the reason isn't entirely that you are the losingest team in North American sports history, maybe you're also not incorporating drinking into your sport as much as you could or should. Maybe you should try, I dunno, 10 cent beer night? What's the worst that could happen?

Daybreak in Chicago

2009-10-21T08:00:00.001-04:00

Awoken from a fitful sleep for the final time, I was terribly startled this morning. The cat was sleeping nicely with me, so it wasn't his usual pre-dawn antics. The family was safe and my apartment has the added security feature of creaking even if the cat walks on it, so it probably wasn't an intruder. This being Chicago, there isn't much I could do if it was. The cat himself was in bed, as was the rest of the family. But maybe the hunky but unattainable lawyer from TV, who I saw get shanked by his own daughter just before going to bed had become a zombie and was coming for us.

Oh, right, he's too busy fighting off wild dogs, I guess some wishes come true*. If the spectral form of what Wikipedia tells me is one Eric McCormack isn't coming for me and my family, maybe he's coming to spoil my beer. On Friday I whipped up an American Amber Ale, using a recipe from the excellent Brewing Classic Styles, by the pope of homebrew. The brewday went ok, except for forgetting my HLT was at someone else's house, my starter sitting for three weeks in the fridge getting sour and running out of Irish Moss. It is my first brew using the foil instead of airlock method, maybe the terrifying scratching noise was the foil letting gas out of the carboy. Maybe it was finally fermenting, despite the 55F water bath it is in.

Yea, 55F water bath, not a good idea. I did what I normally do here, made a water bath and tossed some frozen water bottles in it to offset the heat of fermentation. But this time, the water going into the bath was pretty cool and the new chest freezer must put off *way* less heat than the old fridge. Coupled with fall and our refusal to turn on the radiators, the bath got really cold, and by Saturday morning it was 60F, at best, in the carboy, with no signs of krausen. Not cool. Well, very cool, about 7F off what I needed. Putting the yeast to sleep like, well, a drunk husband and Mr. McCormack's old show.

But what to do with this quickly rotting beer that just won't stay at temp. Turning the heaters on is lame and uncessary when the house is a comfortable 62F, and I've been thinking of fermenting out back anyway. Most hombrewers I know have either a wife, or a landlord, I've got both. This means no basement to shove endless fridges in, and the knowledge that the 15 cu ft chest freezer can't have a friend in the apartment. Aquarium heater to the rescue!

*Ed. Note: You're ok, Mr. TV man. Your show has helped America become a little less intolerant (though not nearly enough) and we here at JABB don't actually hope you get killed by this mini-cujo and come back as a zombie or other spectral force]**
**Ed. Note 2: M. Randolph does not speak for the entire team here at JABB.
***Ed. Note 3: We've decided, since we are all cat people, that while feelings of your eventual zombification are mixed, we do agree that cats rule and dogs drool.

Are you a Buffalo?

2009-10-20T05:45:00.008-04:00

"Once a Buffalo, always a Buffalo" Or so they say.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffalo_(drinking_game)

An interesting game a friend recently brought to my attention. The only goal of the game is to always drink your booze with your non-dominant hand, or risk having to drink more. This is probably why I generally don't engage in drinking games that often. I don't feel I need to the help of games to get me drunk. I am more than capable of doing that on my own.

What interests me is the supposed origins of this game. There is something intriguing about the thought that people would specifically train themselves to drink with their weak hand, so as to keep their strong hand free in case they needed to draw their gun. I mean, it makes perfect sense to me. I can't say how many times I've been in the middle of chugging a beer bong, when I'm all of a sudden jumped by The Three Amigos.

Having no way to defend myself, since going for my gun would spill the beer (That would be alcohol abuse), I am left at the hands of three geriatric comedians and their sick whims.

Beer bongs don't count as drinking games, in case you were wondering. I consider it more like mainlining. I guess back in the old west this whole notion of keep your strong side free actually was kind of important. But did they actually play beer games to train themselves? Can you picture Curly Bill Brocuis shouting "buffalo!" at Wyatt Earp for drinking with the wrong hand. My guess is Wyatt would respond to this challenge by buffaloing him. Of course there is the chance it could go down something like this.

After all, we all saw the way he smacked around poor old Billy Bob.

But now you know the game and what it's all about. So the next time you're in the bar having a cold one and someone yells "Bufallo!" to you, set your beer down, pull out your gun, and fuck'n pistol whip him...for me.

The Right Call

2009-10-19T12:26:00.002-04:00

And in related news, I think it's time to figure out how to widen the area the content is in.

A little squeezin

2009-10-15T17:01:00.000-04:00

Paddy and I have been producing booze together for over 3 years now, and we've known each other for somewhere around 22 years, which makes me feel very old. We're usually in agreement about most things, and what we don't agree on, well, we just agree to disagree and the points of contention aren't important enough to really matter. However, there is one point Paddy and I just can't agree on, and I'm afraid it's a pretty big one. It's something that comes up quite often, and it's impossible to simply ignore it. I'm talking about maceration.

I know a lot of folks out there say squeezing is the right thing to do, but without the right equipment, that strikes me as quite difficult, painful, and possibly even dangerous. Personally, I think maceration the way to go, and I'm in favor of doing it at every opportunity. But for some reason he refuses to explain, Paddy just will not macerate of his own accord. He'd rather wait and have someone else do all the squeezing for him. Now, me? I enjoy the do-it-yourself aspect, here. Starting from nothing and through sheer muscle and sweat, producing something. And for the most part, Paddy is of the same opinion, but I just can't get him to go along with me on this one. Sure, we did it once before, and the results were satisfying for all those involved, but we were kind of backed up against a wall and desperate. I guess that's just what it takes before Paddy is willing to go along with me on this.

But here it is autumn already, and the issue once again rears its head. Paddy wants to wait for outside squeezing, but I'm in favor of just going ahead and macerating ourselves. But time is running short; I'm not sure how much longer we can wait. In the next few days, we'll be forced to make a decision. Do we macerate, or just forget the whole thing for another year?

But still Paddy persists. For reasons he's afraid (or ashamed?) to tell me, he would rather wait and see if we could get a hand from the farming co-op he and his wife belong to. I didn't even know they provided such services, but it seems they do. Still, the question remains, how much longer can we wait? The frost is on its way and pretty soon the apple season on Pennsylvania will be over.

Yep, all those sweet, juicy apples will be frozen and ruined. I heard tell some orchards have grabbed the smaller ones off the trees already in hopes of saving them, but last night it was damn cold. Personally, I think we should just go buy a shitload while they're cheap and locally grown, then macerate them in Paddy's food processor. We did that with pears to make some wine once, and the results were pleasing. But Paddy doesn't want to, and this is an argument that goes to our very first batch of home-made booze.

I guess it all really started with a big jug of apple juice Paddy's mom had sent him up to college with his freshman year. He had opened it, taken a swig, and forgotten it under his bead. Several months later he found it and took a swig. It tasted different. Kind of shitty, kind of tart, but kind of... like alcohol! Being 18 years old, we drank all of it and got stomach aches. But we were simply amazed at how easy it was to make alcohol!

Fast forward 8 years, and I'm at Paddy's place and we've decided to give this making alcohol thing another try. We ran up to the local grocery store one night, Bootlegger's Bible in hand (I'll post about that one some day; a simply amazing book M. Randolph gave me for my birthday a few years ago), and picked up some white and brown sugar, some packets of Red Star bread yeast, and the cheapest all-natural apple juice money could buy.

We boiled it up, pitched the yeast, and a couple months later we had moderately shitty apple alcohol. Better than the bed-booze Paddy accidentally made nearly a decade earlier; but to be honest, we've made far worse stuff since then! From the moment we tasted that first batch, we had planned to make some more apple alcohol, but we soon butted heads over how to proceed. My initial suggestion was to get more Flavorite apple juice and try to improve our process. Paddy wanted to buy non-alcoholic, unpasteurized apple cider and then ferment it. I said if we were going to go that far, we should do it totally from scratch and get some apples. And there the stalemate has sat for 3 years.

Now, we don't have an apple press. They ain't cheap. We worked up a couple designs to make one, but just never got around to it. However, as I mentioned before, we did macerate some pears in Paddy's food processor once, with good results. The idea had come from the way they shred and autoclave agave to get the most juice and sugar out for making tequila. Not really how you should make cider, but then again... that's not really how you should make tequila! Alcohol production is a delicate balance between tradition and innovation. If you insist on doing things the old way, you never get anything new or better. But if you go too far with innovation, you risk producing something that's completely different from what you intended.

So with no press, we're really left with the options of pre-made soft cider, Flavorite, or maceration. After 3 years of experience, I think we've moved beyond the Flavorite stage, so I'll agree with Paddy on that one. So that leaves either buying pre-pressed cider or shredding some apples and risking shitty product by breaking from tradition.

The frost is fast approaching, so the window for getting local apples or fresh-pressed cider is rapidly shrinking. So what do you think? If you were in our place, what would you decide? We'd love to know. We'd also like to hear what you've done, if you've ever made apple cider or other similar alcohol. So leave a message if you're so inclined, keep. And remember to always let a friend help out with your squeezin!

This Day in Booze: Homebrew Legalized

2009-10-14T11:27:00.017-04:00

What is the greatest day in booze history? And you can't say the invention of alcohol. That's a cop-out for unimaginative plebeians who bicker about how Poke-mon is so much better than Yu-Gi-Oh, and argue for three hours on how the two are nothing alike. You're better than that. Many would say the obvious answer; the day that Prohibition was repealed. But for all its obvious downfalls, Prohibition actually did a lot to fuel growth and innovation in the booze industry and promote new social ideals. There were these hip little places called speakeasies. Let’s just say you aren't going to find any tacos at a sausage fest.

Another possible answer would be the invention of the cocktail. Yes, those candy sweet concoctions, which since their inception have been primarily used for the purpose of removing clothing from women. They are quite tasty and are very good at doing what we all hope. But they are rooted deeply in having the original purpose of masking all that was bad about alcohol of old, like rat feces. Also we here at JABB would like to start a petition to get the word -tini stricken from the English language. Nuff Said. There are probably even a small few readers out, who are on this site looking for fodder to fuel your immeasurable contempt and hatred of all things fun, who might say the day Prohibition was enacted. I hear they also kill puppies.

For me, my answer would have to be the day they legalized homebrew beer, which I shall defend as best I can in my current inebriated state. But first the details.

When prohibition ended, everybody and their grandmother wanted to make beer. It was a guaranteed money maker after nearly 13 years of sobriety. The problem was everybody wanted to cash in, and quick. Combine this fact with the limited availability of resources due to the war, and you wind up with the wonderfully bland and unexciting light golden lager we all grew up with. Over time, as some businesses succeeded and others flopped, the world of American beer was soon dominated by the big breweries. As long as these corporate giants were making money, they didn't care about the quality of their product, so long as it sold. Any new upstarts that tried to get a hand in on things were either forced out or bought up. Thanks to this consolidation, there were only 42 breweries operating in the United States in 1978, and most sucked donkey balls.

On October 14, 1978 that all changed when President Jimmy Carter signed a bill that removed the restrictions on Homebrewers and allowed your average citizen to brew (tax free) beer in small quantities for their own consumption.

Able to brew beer at home, craft brewers were allowed to develop their beer without the influence and meddling of the big conglomerates. The legalization of homebrew finally allowed creativity and originality to be explored freely. And if you don't think that that is important, in 2006 congress passed a resolution commemorating American Craft Brewers for supporting American Agriculture, providing jobs, and improving the balance of trade. The resolution also supported the establishment of an "American Craft Beer Week". By 2008, forty years after the legalization of homebrew, there were 1493 breweries reported to be operating in the United States, 1420 of which were considered craft brewers (smaller, independent, traditional brewers) by the Brewers Association. Take that, Budweiser.

Cranberry Nut Crunch Fuck'n Ale!

OK, it's true that with the microbrew and craft beer movement there have been some bad ideas. There have been some flops and some jokes and I think the term "yuppie" got thrown around quite a bit. But that is all part of the experimentation process that makes average citizens like us get together on a Saturday afternoon with a box of ingredients, a tub of no-rinse, and a handle of Vladimir. We are free to create something original, even if it's just a new strain of blue fuzzy goodness that later is found to be the cure for male pattern baldness.

And look at the industry now. All the big name brewers are struggling to keep up with the Great Lakes and Magic Hats of the beer world, especially the King of Beers. In recent years we've seen Anheuser-Busch try to market such beers as their Budweiser American Ale and Bud Light Golden Wheat. And then there is the Michelob seasonal line including their Bavarian Wheat, Märzen, Porter, and Pale Ale. The little guys have taken the lead, and the big guys can only follow. Any time the large breweries try something new on their own we wind up with such wonderful concoctions as Michelob ULTRA Tuscan Orange Grapefruit and Pomegranate Raspberry....really?!?

But in the end, we the consumers are the winners. The gates have been opened and great beer is pouring out like the Johnstown Flood.

Just about anywhere I go, I have to opportunity to taste something I've never tasted before, to enjoy something new, and to throw up a new color of the rainbow I never knew existed. Woohoo!

Hangover Worthy of Kingsley Amis & Grape Crush

2009-10-13T12:37:00.000-04:00

Ahh, Sir Kinglsey Amis, you've had quite the impact on me. You should probably be assigned to all college freshman, so they can learn the most important thing they'll take from school, adult socialization. Of course, by this I mean drinking, both responsibly and irresponsibly. The former tells you how you keep your head about you socially and the latter about what to do afterwards when you don't.

Today is about the latter. I went to my first wine crush yesterday, learning from the 25 years of experience of the host and a ton from the other wine makers who were there. It was great and the machinery was terrifyingly efficient. Like put the chicken in one end the the nuggets come out the other efficient. Grapes go in, crushed grapes come out and the stems are separated out. The host runs a free-run system, the grapes sit in a barrel and run off with the pressure.

It was great, and then my memory starts to fade. It might have been the dozen glasses of wine, or the number of grappa soaked cherry bombs. I'm not sure what happened, but I was hammered. I mean really drunk. And I didn't notice until I mercifully got a ride home. That's where the evening got fuzzy in real time. Right now it gets fuzzy before that, but that was the moment I knew I was screwed the next morning. My wife knew when I came home and she looked up, cackling from the couch, to ask if I wanted to watch some more episodes of The Nanny and I said yes, that sounded like a great idea.

Fast forward to 3am and I was awake with a start. No good reason, except enough alcohol left my system that I didn't feel right. No headache, one of the mercies of largely unsulfated home made wine. But everything was creepy. I wandered around a suddenly creaky house, waking the cat for comfort (he just went back to sleep) and trying to sleep on the couch, the floor, the chair, the bean bag and at one point in front of my chest freezer to be near my kegs. There I heard a weird noise which I chalked up to the physic issues I was having, but it turned out to be a different one of my kegs starting to spew beer all over the inside of the chest freezer. This time, I just didn't tighten down the flare nut on the liquid out, the last two times it was blown poppets on two different kegs. This went on for a few hours, both the spewing of beer by the keg and the insomniacal ravings inside my own head, culminating in worries I was tossed from the wine crush by my brothers and sisters in the club. This doesn't seem to be so, so far, and I'm glad for that. By 5am I had re-tightened all of the heat control knobs on the radiators, all of which opened up with the first introduction of heat to the system, and survived a few volleys from the cat who was clearly messing with me in my dangerously unstable state. Finally I was able to crawl into bed, only lightly waking my wife 4 hours before she had to go teach Sunday school.

And our man, Kingsley Amis, where was he with his great advice (sex, more booze, not moving a lot). Lost on a shelf at my in-laws, where I need it even more.

The Epic Battle Rages On

2009-10-08T04:00:00.003-04:00

http://www.thepittsburghchannel.com/news/21181990/detail.html

This story is from last week and for many of you out there, I pretty much guarantee the subject of this news article is as unfamiliar to you as non-alcoholic beer. But for us here at JABB, we've been swigging down this swill for nearly 2 years now. I speak of the Allegheny County Drink Tax.

Once upon a time (2 years ago), in a borough not too far away n'at (Tax District 2), the Great Land of Allegheny was in deep deep debt. Though the Land's mightiest City of Steel had seen fame and prestige for several years now, it's great gridiron warriors

or mighty paladins on ice

could not save the Land from gross ineptitude. Merchants had been leaving the city for lands with less demanding tax collectors, and the educated youth, who felt no kinship with the Land, set out on long journeys, never to return home.

Of the Land's financial woes, the transportation system was hurting bad. Nobody was using the great steel wagons or the mighty to get around town and the outlying villages. Instead, the people opted to take their own horse and carriages everywhere they wished to travel. The Lord's transportation advisers had squandered what government coin they received on frivolous extravagances, like a tunnel under the great moat of Allegheny for the .

The Lord of the Land, King Dan "the Goose Killer" Onorato, and his knights of the square bingo table, spent countless days and nights (at Nemacolin Woodlands) trying to devise a means of saving the Land from it's financial woes. In order to obtain further transportation funding from the government, the King and his Council had to come up with $30 million on their own. Not willing to cut any funds from the existing budget, already bloated more than Kanye West's ego, or give up the lavish amenities befitting the council's lifestyle, they decide to save the transportation system with taxes. King Dan "the Tax Man" Onorato gave his council two options; raise the property tax on the peasants of the land, or institute a 10% drink tax on all alcoholic beverages purchased within the Land's borders (also included a $2/day car rental tax).

The people of the Land didn't wish for either tax, and were quite irate. Surely there must be other means to raise funds.

It wasn't long before the peasants began holding secret meetings at basements, stables and the local Church...Brewery. And what started as just talks of dissidence, soon became a full on rebellion.
But no matter how hard the people fought, they could not avail. The infamous drink tax was passed and the Land was cast into a darkness more dispiriting than the Pirate's losing streak.

Two years of pain and thirsty tavern patrons would follow. Those who used to go out for drinks and have 5 or 6, now were only drinking 3 or 4, while other ventured great distances (Beaver Country) to drink without financial oppression. Sobriety was on the rise. Many men were returning home to their wives early, only to find them still awake, thus being forced to converse with them and to take out the trash.

Those who refused to comply with the King's orders were struck down with a vengeance. There are still great warriors who brave the bloodshed in the crusade for alcoholic freedom. And we the people of the land will continue to support their cause. King Dan of Allegheny now seeks to reign over all of Penn's Woods. He thinks he has squashed the rebellion. He thinks our spirits have broken, but he shall never be rid of us. We will continue to fight. We will continue to meet in basement bars and and tax exempt locations to plot our next strike, or just get shit faced. The Rebellion is upon us my friends!

TO ARMS!

...

FTC gets all up in our sh*t

2009-10-05T21:30:00.000-04:00

Oh FTC. Now we have to tell everyone if we've received any freebies on the blog for our reviews. The answer is no, and I for one am really unhappy about that. We'll shill, send us stuff. We tend to review everything well, often by drinking until it tastes good. But we buy it all and write what we feel.

Now, there's a recession on and we don't have a lot of spare scratch lying around, so send us stuff. Then we'd blog more, and we'll declare it for the government too.

Stag Party

2009-09-24T02:06:00.002-04:00

Jim beam has been doing some... questionable things, lately. This has me concerned because, hands-down, my favorite whiskey is Jim Beam (white label). I've tried sweeter and stronger whiskeys, but they wear thin after awhile. In addition to white label, Beam has developed and purchased some fine liquors like Booker's, Baker's, Basil Hayden, Old Overholt, and Jim Beam Rye (yellow label). Lately, though, they've come up with (rī)¹ , an ultra-hip marketing plan to pick up on the re-awakening interest in rye whiskey. Richard and I haven't tried yet, but Paddy says is wholey underwhelming. But now Beam has gone a step further... in some respects. (rī)¹ was completely absent of Beam branding, but their latest creation, Red Stag, comes in a standard fifth-gallon glass bottle of Beam with a different label.

It's not the packaging that's hip and cool this time, it's the marketing campagin. If you take a moment to peruse www.theredstag.com, you'll see what I mean.

Immediately you'll notice their strategy is to associate Red Stag with getting hipster tail. In the background, people in ultra-cool clothes sweat and gyrate to an unheard beat, while a cartoon deer spouts Confucius-esque wisdom on how to get laid.

The add campaign actually reminds me of old posters advertising Absinthe. Just replace the red with green, a fairy with a deer, and update the outfits and parties portrayed in the background. Really, not a bad idea. I mean, those ad campaigns worked so well at convincing folks that Absinthe was a mind-explodingly good time, the stuff was made illegal in many countries for quite some time.

But as I and Beam have said before, the stuff inside matters most. Was this "infused" whiskey some sacchariney cherry syrup? Was it a fifth of a gallon of cough medicine? Or was it a sweetish Manhattan in a bottle? One sounds like whiskey hell, one sounds somewhat tolerable.

So last night, on my way to hang out at Paddy's place, I picked up a bottle. The lady at the checkout said she'd heard good things about it. She looked like someone who has had her fair share of whiskey, and her comments bolstered my slightly sagging confidence.

Now, I've drank quite a bit of Absinthe over the years, and I never hallucinated; I never saw the legendary green fairy. But looking at www.theredstag.com, I couldn't help but wonder just a teeny bit if some cartoonish crimson deer would start babbling vaguely sexual prose-poetry at me. Cause that might be cool.

Once at Paddy's, we cracked it open immediately and poured two glasses; no ice, no mixers, just whiskey and a glass. First impressions? Not bad. I almost said "it's too sweet" with the first drop on my tongue, but then it splashed across the rest of my palate and warmed my insides as it went down. There was definitely Jim Beam in there, and I liked it. We commenced to taste the shit out of that bottle.

Whoa, hey, um... awesome. Yeah, absolutely! Grab the bull by the balls, carpe diem, it's 5 o'clock somewhere. I mean, it wasn't much of a herd, just me and Paddy, but we were drinking Red Stag and hanging out. It was cool. We actually looked up some recipes for cocktails, because we weren't sure what you could mix with it other than the usual Sprite or 7-up. theredstag.com had some suggestions that sounded tasty: Red Stag and cola, Red Manhattan, Brass Buck (Red Stag and ginger ale), but we just kept drinking it straight.

Paddy isn't really a "potential mate", he's just an old friend. And he's a dude. And that's not really my thing.

Um... yeah. Anyway, recipes the rest of the interwebs had to offer for this liquor were less than appetizing. Some website seemed to want to mix it with every liqueur and schnapps in DeKuyper's lineup. Sorry, but watermelon cherry bourbon is pushing it a bit far for us. And besides, the flavor of Red Stag is strong enough to satisfy the kind of whiskey cravings Paddy and I are prone to, but with its sweetness I think it worked best served on its own. Maybe an ice cube or two. Kind of like a pre-mixed cocktail that's 80 proof.

No, not really. Just two old friends hanging out, drinking some booze, watching TV.

... later on, Paddy's wife came home. Her impression of Red Stag was much the same as mine, a bit sweet, but the bourbon warmth evens that out. We all thought it might be a tad on the sweet side. Paddy even suggested manly-ing it up with some Beam Rye. The sharpness of the rye might compliment the sweetness of Red Stag rather nicely.

What? No! Dude, that's my friend of over twenty years and his wife. We did not get drunk off Red Stag and have a three-way. We just kind of hung out and watched TV. It was relaxing and enjoyable. Paddy made a pot roast, and it was quite yummy. We watched them make Cheetos on the Food Network.

I didn't piss on her either. Moving along, we were about halfway through the bottle when Richard Dicks stopped by. Don't say a fucking word, deersteak! That's his PEN name, not his PORN name! Anyway, by coincidence, Dicks had just been to the liquor store himself and had picked up a bottle. We left that bottle in his car, though, and continued with the bottle I had purchased. Richard's impression was, again, the same. The cherry flavoring is definitely present, but doesn't overpower the charcoal and corn flavor that really makes bourbon the fine American original that it is. Again, he felt it was maybe a tad on the sweet side.

No! Richard and I did not fuck in the bathroom! There was no fucking.. It wasn't that kind of party!

No. He most certainly was not. None of us were. We weren't dressed like underage kids sneaking into a pseudo-trendy club. We were just hanging out. Damnit, this hipster ad campaign is starting to get on my nerves. I'm beginning to feel ashamed that I like Red Stag.

But I do like it, and so did everyone else. So before the night was over, the bottle was very empty. Richard was tempted to get his bottle from his car to continue the boozing, but we all had to work the next day, so we called it a night.

No! No orgies! No one had sex. At least, not while Richard and I were there. We were just hanging out. And Red Stag was fine for that. You don't need to be going out clubbing, or having a wild sex party, or even doing some serious drinking. It's a good sipping drink when you want something strong and sweet, but not brutishly forceful or vomitously candy-like. It's a good alcohol to just chill out with.

Whatever, dude... whatever.

Home Brewery

2009-09-22T12:34:00.000-04:00

So, I've moved, so I haven't been posting much. I still owe you guys some notes from drinking in the UK and how I went (fake) gay for CAMRA. It was Roger Protz's deep blue eyes, and his amazing British teeth.

Actually, he has very lovely teeth and is a thoroughly lovely man.

But today, today is about home brewing. I took some photos of the new setup, which is like the old setup but with less space. Why less space, well, its the new layout. Now, its less space for brewing, but more space for fermenting. And Kegs. By which I mean, out with the old:

And in with the new!

15 cu. ft. of cool wonderment. Fermenting, lagering,

6 kegs on draft and at least a case in there as well.

So here's how it rolls, for all you people claiming you can't do all grain because you don't have the space. I have a 950 sq ft apartment 1 bedroom apartment. You probably have a kitchen bigger than my bedroom. Hell, you might have one bigger than my living room. Suck it up.

Cooler on counter, cooler on chair, kettle on floor. Fill up seven gallons. Lift to stove and boil. It won't boil well, you'll get a shitty hot break, but you'll make beer. If you have decent stove, you'll be OK. I have an old apartment stove, I'm still ok. Boil it down to 6 gallons, rack 5.5 to the carboy/bucket, toss it in a corner or closet, maybe in a bin of water with ice packs and let it rip. To make the tun, I used a 12.5 gallon (50-75 can) Igloo cooler. Its not the best, but it works. Leeches some heat (2F) in a one hour mash, but what doesn't. I drilled through the lid and have a sparge arm built in. Ball valves are put on with stuff I got at the hardware store, using O-rings, washers, pvc and brass. More on making mash tuns in a few weeks I hope. HLT is the same. I use 2 Ikea brand pitchers to recirc through a funnel. That's it. I mean, with a pump I wouldn't have to lift the kettle, which is nice and could recirc better. I could also get a burner out back, but this is the system. Anything more means I'm moving to a RIMS setup somehow. Not the best idea right now. Oh, and stir the crap out of it when cooled, look at this cone of trub!

Three Sheets

2009-09-21T03:59:00.001-04:00

Yes, this is an ad. No, we're not getting money for it. This is an awesome show I've come across, and I think if you like this blog you'll probably love this show.

I know there's some similar and more "respectable" show called something like the Thirsty Traveler. Too much class for me. Classy is not how we roll here at JABB. Three Sheets is similar in concept to Thirsty Traveler, but this guy gets fucking plowed. I mean, he throws them back! It's pretty interesting on many levels, and I recommend catching an episode or two if you get FLN and can find it buried deep within the bowels of obscure, small-audience, special-interest digital cable channels.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day

2009-09-19T05:00:00.001-04:00

Ahoy!

Don’t ferget ye landlubbers that today be “International Talk Like a Pirate Day.” So belay that clacker n' secure ye blunt, ye lily livered sprogs. Time to git all ship shape and bristol fashion, fer we throw sheet towar’ the horizon t’ join other gentlemen of fortune in the sweet trade for the day.

How says ye?

To celebrating this good day I plan to heave canvas and haul wind t' Saxonburg fer a musket festival. I'll be meet'n me matey thar fer a Clap of Thunder. It will be full of sea rats n' marauders alike, n' we'll be free to plunder their stash of rum. The grog will flow till we be loaded to the Gunwhales and lay down among the dead men, or fall in with a lady of expansive sensibility.

If it be grog ye be after then might I suggest this preparation. "the proportion of a quart of water to every half pint of rum". This fer a real kill-devil. Not the candy ye ladies drink whilst floating about in your jollyboat.

Nay, this be fer a real rum, to be drunk by men. The stuff that's used to scrub the barnicles and scum from me ship's bottom. Once you've spliced the mainbrace, be sure to pillage yer guts out in every port ye make land. Kill the women and rape the livestock, but be sure to return with some swag, and perhaps some booty, fer ye captain,

lest he force ye to kiss the gunner's daughter.

Fair winds to ye corsairs!

Arrgh!

Bourbon Heritage Month

2009-09-18T06:00:00.004-04:00

It's been a little while since I last posted something to the site. It's not that I ran out of ideas, or that I'm tired of blogging, or I'm overworks. I'm always tire and overworked. OK, maybe I have been a little preoccupied, but for a good reason. I haven't posted in a while because I haven't been sober enough.

For the past few weeks I've been celebrating...hard. What have I been celebrating? Well, National Bourbon Heritage Month of course.

Since 2007, the month of September has been officially recognized as National Bourbon Heritage Month by the United States. Apparently even the US government squeezes out a nugget of genius every 40 years or so (repeal of prohibition, legalization of homebrew, Bourbon Heritage Month).

If you're one of the two readers out there that already know about this month, that's awesome...cheers! We here at JABB, well, we like to celebrate bourbon all 12 months out of the year. Now, if your asking yourself "Why is the government passing bills like this? Don't they have better things to do?", you obviously have stumbled upon the wrong site. You must be in the wrong place or were looking for justanotherboobsblog.

Sorry, I don't have that site up and running yet. Anyways, this month is important because back in 1964 Congress recognized bourbon as "America's Native Spirit", and God damn it, we should have a month to celebrate it.

I'm not going to get into all the history of bourbon and it's origins (***cough*** Pennsylvania). There is more than enough info out there on that subject. Just check Wikipedia and the rest of the interweb. In celebration of what I love, I'm just going to sit here in front of my computer and drink. Yes, I know it's the morning, and I'm at work. There's a reason why God made ginger ale the color it is. I've got a couple of bottles of various bourbons that are on there last legs, so I figured I'd just finish them off.

In keeping this short, so as not to cut into valuable drinking time, bourbon kicks ass. It spans all walks of life. From the inbred hillbilly to the affluent aristocrat, bourbon yields a kinship that breaks down societal walls (kind of like mullets).

Two people who can't agree on which is a better car, a Bentley or an IROC, can at least sit down with a glass and agree that "that is some damn fine bourbon."

So back to the bottle I go. Don't expect much more out of me for the rest of the month. See you in October.

Beer... or something...

2009-09-10T17:03:00.001-04:00

Wow, so, uh... no one's blogged in awhile. So, um.... beer. I had a beer last night. It was called... um... shit, I took a picture of it...

There. Negra Mode... um... Model... Modern... Modem... Negra Modelo! That's it! Google saves the day again. So yeah, I had one of those. I'm struggling to remember what exactly it tasted like, here, but not because it was bad. On the contrary, I thought it was quite tasty! But I wasn't paying enough attention to really remember the finer details. Let me back up a bit and explain why.

This was a going-away-happy-hour for someone leaving where I work. He's a pretty well-liked guy, so quite a few people wanted to show up. Instead of hitting the usual places for such affairs, they picked some fancy place no one had been to before. Now, I had a going-away-party thrown for me once at a fancy place no one had been to before, and it's a real crapshoot. It turned out moderately ok for my party, but the location was quite a haul for most folks interested in attending.

But this place we went last night was close. A really classy joint, too. A patio out front, downstairs restaurant area, upstairs bar area, and even an upper deck with a gorgeous view of the river and downtown Pittsburgh. The back bar was small, but stocked with unusual things and backed with wavy sheets of copper. They had the usual stuff, but I also saw things like Bluecoat Gin, and Root, which Richard has mentioned before. The help, as is almost always the case, is what really made it nice. I ordered two shots of Wild Turkey 101 for myself and the departing coworker, and after some walking around and running downstairs, the bartender said "Sorry, we're out. Well, actually, we had two shots left, but there were some floaters in it." I paused for a moment, then said "Thankyou for that. A lot of bartenders would have fished them out and served me the booze anyway."

And that's the truth. Don't believe me? Ever been to a bar or a restaraunt where there's fruit flies buzzing around? Where do you think they make their homes and lay their eggs? Uh-huh. I'd stay away from the 99 Bananas.

So I ordered two shots of Jim and a 7&7. Not to sound like a skinflint, but it came to $17.50 and I was a bit shocked. It wasn't like I ordered Woodford Reserve, it was Jim Beam and Segram's 7. That's like $1.75 worth of booze in those three glasses. I didn't raise hell or anything, and I tipped well because he didn't garnish them with fly larvae, but still... it was a little on the steep side for a Pittsburgh bar; even a fancy one. And the departing coworker couldn't even finish the shot in one go. He stumbled around a bit and tried not to cough it up. Which happens sometimes...

... and in fact the women we work with stood around and mocked him for not being able to handle a shot of Beam. Hey, it's Pittsburgh. We grow 'em tough here!

He eventually gulped down the last of his whiskey under heavy female derision, and I mentioned to another coworker that the two shots and a drink cost me $17.50 plus tip. He then told me his beer was $2 plus tip.

So I switched to beer for the night.

Since I hadn't heard of the beer my coworker was having, I decided to give it a try. He was drinking, of course, Negra Modelo. They gave it to me with a wedge of lime in the mouth of the bottle, and a fancy snifter to pour it into. I discarded the lime and poured it into the glass; I wanted to know what this tasted like without any alteration. It was dark in color but thin in body, so it went down smooth for something with full flavor. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and had another.

Someone asked me what I was drinking and I told them. They asked if it was like Yuengling. I paused, as the question came as a complete surprise to me. I mean, I do like Yuengling a lot, and since it's from PA I try to drink it more often than I would otherwise. But I hadn't thought to compare Negra Modelo to Yuengling. I guess, compared to Yuengling, it was darker and slightly smokier, but just as smooth and thin in body and texture. The head was made of slightly smaller bubbles, making it a bit foamier, but the overall experience was... no, it wasn't really anything like Yuengling. She explained that Yuengling is her benchmark. In her mind, all beers are are either good or bad depending entirely on how similar they are to Yuengling.

At first it seemed like an odd way to judge things, but as I thought about it, it made more and more sense. If you find anything you really like, it's logical to use it as your bench mark. It saves you from having to analyze the details of things; you can just compare your gut reaction to something you know you like. Sure, it seems a bit narrow-minded in some respects; it doesn't really allow for trying new things. But what if you want something, but don't want to be an expert in that particular field?

Here's a for-instance: I'm not really a cigar smoker. I smoke maybe 3 or 4 per year. I don't know how you describe the flavor of a cigar beyond "strong" or "mild" (and those probably aren't even the proper terms). If I walk into a cigar shop and I want to have a cigar, do I really want to first read a 1000 page book on cigars? Do I want to take a class first? Let me answer that for you: no. This isn't a life-long passion, I don't want to explore the broad and complex world of rolled tobacco, I just want one cigar. So I place my trust in the proprietor and say "I had an Onyx cigar once and I really liked it. Could you help me pick out something similar that I might like?"

So I suppose walking into a bar and saying "I like Yuengling, but I see you don't have any. What could you recommend?" is perfectly valid. And if the bartender scoffs at you and says you should try a Huisbrouwerij Sint Canarus Potteloerke, then he's a stuck-up asshole. If he's interested in making money, he should find you something similar to Yuengling. And if he wants to help bring you into his hobby of beer, acting snooty and giving you something completely unlike Yuengling isn't the way. This is how comic book shops go out of business.

I encouraged her to try what I was drinking, but she was having none of it. My reaction to her question seemed to reveal that it did not pass her Yuengling test. However, I think she might have liked the Negra Modelo; it was smooth and went down easy, but had much more flavor than my much-touted favorite Miller High Life. Not too hoppy, but possibly too dark for her. Not really chocolaty, but kind of smokey.

Many people saw my coworker and I drinking Negra Modelo and I think by the end of the night most folks had at least one. The bartender had to run downstairs and get more. Everyone seemed to agree that it was good stuff. Yuengling it wasn't, but it was good and I'll probably get another some day. Ultimately, my Yuengling-loving coworker didn't try one. She drank Yuenglin pints all night. But I won't bug her to try it again because yinzer chicks will kick your ass!

We need to talk about your flair...

2009-09-07T06:17:00.001-04:00

Bartender flair is something I've wanted to post a video of for some time now, but I could never find a video that really blew my dress up. This one is definitely good enough.

Now, I have some problems with this sort of thing; it doesn't really have to do with mixing drinks, it's just juggling. If you look closely, you can see about 7 shots of booze spilling out all over the place as he flips the bottle, which in my eyes is alcohol abuse. And that's why I haven't posted a video like this yet. But this guy's presentation and preciseness caught my eye. It's not 8 bottles, it's not a 12 minute routine that empties 7 of the 8 bottles, but it's really well executed.

HOPSTOBERFEST is coming, October 3rd.

2009-09-04T12:41:00.004-04:00

Hopstoberfest is coming on October 3rd. I'll be there with a Mild and something else, maybe a Black IPA.

If you are in Chicago- be there!

Stop hiding behind your Fruit of the Looms

2009-08-29T10:45:00.002-04:00

Stop putting shit in the beer, stop putting shit in the beer, stop putting shit in the beer. It is a Denis Leary mantra, and I can't imagine Timothy Leary disagreed much either. Choco-Fruit-Pocalypse beers are a pet peeve of mine. Do you need to bourbon barrel age your chocolate cherry stout. Maybe. If it is a good stout, with a reasonable addition of cherries (and chocolate, if you aren't relying on malts to bring that flavor, then some extra character might help. But you have to start with a good base beer! As grandma says, you can't polish a turd. And she's 97, grew up in Hawaii and was a bootlegger, so you know she's seen some stuff and probably did put horse turds in her beer. Hell, I'm going to say she invented it. But good beers with fruit added are rarely what I see at homebrew meetings, where people bring in their second or third beer and it probably got more gravity points from added fruit than any type of character malt. You know who I think brew those beers, these guys:

(I think Leaf might have talked shit about my Porter at the last CBS meeting)

I think there are two reasons this might happen. The first, maybe there are not enough commercial beers around that have fruit in them and people are making homebrew to fill that void. I certainly homebrew to get weird British styes that are hard to find here (except at Goose Island, who seem to think they are a British pub dropped in a disgusting strip mall, may Nisaki bless them and deliver them from the evil of a 49% ownership stake by AnBev).

The second option is that people are trying to hide flaws with fruit. It doesn't work. I'm a novice judge and I'm always at the fruit beer table. Funny story, I didn't think to mention my nut allergy to a competition organizer one day and was almost felled by a Hazelnut Porter. It is BEER! As Laguniutas say on their excellent 13th anniversary beer, "This is a Bronze Age business..." But the fruit and strange flavors prevail. Its tricks, and you don't want to do tricks until you have the basics down. This isn't Tony Hawk, you don't pick up your board and go. You have to learn to skate, then you can try to ollie. Don't try to start with a tail-whip-slide to double-olly through time travel to smacking your own baby bottom before the doctor can at birth while you stare at your own placenta following you out. Leave that until you've mastered getting water, grain, hops and yeast together to make a decent beer. Then be great.

As BJ told me one day when we were kids: Learning to play guitar and then adding effects is heavy metal; using effect pedals to learn guitar is grunge. Who's beer are you going to drink?

(This man has never had a blueberry wheat beer, nor had sex with a groupie that has)

Oh, and I made some rye beer one day but screwed up the yeast. Read all about that here.

Fermentation Friday: Half-assing your way to innovation

2009-08-27T22:55:00.003-04:00

Through the centuries, there have been some bizarre things people put in their home brew. Sometimes to add flavor, sometimes to serve a functional purpose in the alcohol making process. Some of these additives became part of the standard processes and recipes, and others, well...

I bet you didn't know that if you don't have a lid or bubbler for your primary fermentation vessel, you can float a layer of dried, crumbled horse turds on top. It forms a layer that will allow gasses created by fermentation to escape, but not allow harmful infections from the air to get to your sweet, sweet horseshit brew. But make sure the layer is even, you don't want all that nasty stuff in the air to get through your horseturds.

If your fermentation slows or stops before you have enough alcohol in your brew, it can be a bad day. But there's no need to dump it down the drain and lose all that time and money you put into your batch; simply add something to your brew that will get your yeast going again. Like a dead mouse. A decomposing mouse carcass will add yummy yeast food to get things going again.

Or you could throw in... I mean carefully add old, weeping dynamite. The waxy, crystalline stuff "weeping" out of the stick is pure, unstable, holy-fuck-nobody-move nitroglycerin. The nitro will act as a chemical catalyst to wake your yeast up like a triple shot of espresso or... um... a stick of dynamite.

Paddy and I like to carry on this tradition of innovation and half-assery. The weirdest thing I've ever put in a batch of home-brewed beer? Grass. Not marijuana, actual lawn clippings. This was our very first batch of beer ever and we had been very careful to sterilize everything and prevent any and every possibility for infection. Paddy was upstairs grabbing a bottle of vodka to fill the bubbler, and I was tidying up a bit. I picked up a rag on the floor and shook it out for no reason I can really figure out. The rag had grass clippings on it, and they flew into the beer and sank heartrendingly and irretrievably to the bottom. It didn't seem to hurt the flavor, though; that's still one of the tastiest batches we've made. But that was an accident, so I don't think that counts.

No, we're talking about things we put in beer on purpose, often with much less successful results. And Paddy and I often stray quite a bit from the beaten path when making beer. We like to do drastically different things, often things that a professional or even serious amateur brewer would never ever suggest trying. When making wine, that usually takes the form of using just about everything but grapes. But beer isn't as widely varied. You make a beer out of kiwi fruit instead of grain and... well, it's not really beer anymore. So what do we do to keep things different?

Rice Sugar
This is the most recent experiment on this list. Paddy and I like Miller High Life. No, seriously. On a sunny, 98º Saturday afternoon in August, do you really want to be swilling down a Goose Island Bourbon County Stout (described as pouring like motor oil and being so sweet and chocolaty that “only the most decadent chocolate dessert can stand up to it”) or do you want an ice cold, thin beer with light taste and large sized bubbles? If you said you would rather have the stout, you're wrong. Or clinically insane. Or maybe you lost your sense of taste in a horrible large-mouth bass fishing accident.

Anyway, we decided to try to make some High Life. So we set off to the brew shop with a vague idea of what we needed to do. We knew we needed the lightest grain we could possibly get, but we'd heard of another ingredient that gives High Life its thin body and light, crisp flavor: rice sugar. Or rice solids. Maybe it's the same thing, we're not sure. Like I said, we only had a vague idea. But they had a big thing labeled rice sugar, so we bought it. Then we bought some light malt and a random beer yeast.

The result? High Life. The color, flavor, and mouth feel were perfect. The only difference between what we made and real High Life is that our beer had absolutely no carbonation. Something went wrong when we primed it, and the beer was flatter than something that's really flat. Oh well. We'll probably try again last next spring just before the fruit is ready for wine making, so it should be ready to drink on those hot summer days when lunatics and snobs reach for a warm bottle of chocolate syrup.

DME for priming
And speaking of thick beers, they're not all dark. There are some very light colored beers out there that go down like a triple-thick milkshake. The best (and only) one I've had that fits into that category? Old Speckled Hen. It used to be on (nitrogen) tap at our now defunct favorite bar. I used to love going there and getting a shot of rye, a bacon-egg-and-cheeseburger, and a tall, cold glass of Old Speckled Hen. We all loved this beer so much, Paddy and I decided to try to make some ourselves. We found a clone recipe somewhere, but true to form we showed up to the brew shop without it. So we winged it, and I thought I remembered reading that a way you could get that rich, foamy head was to prime the beer with DME instead of priming sugar. Makes sense, in a way. DME is sticky, so the bubbles should be small and foamy. Or does that only make sense to me?

At any rate, we picked up an small bag of DME and used it to prime the beer. And it kinda worked! We pretty much made Old Speckled Hen, and couldn't resist putting a cock joke on the label. Ok, a lot of cock jokes. But that's just how we roll: foamy and cocky.

Cherries and Honey
Another clone of a favorite beer or ours was Mad Elf. We've made it twice, once with amazing results, once with less than amazing results. To make Mad Elf you need really dark grains, cherries, and honey. The second time, we forgot the honey, and the lack of honey turned up the suck quite a bit. This clone recipe was not from some clone brew book; it was based on info from Tröeg's website, some clever thinking on our part, and some help from the guy at the brew shop getting the proportions right. So it's a pretty original recipe with some pretty different ingredients and some pretty impressive results... when you remember to get the honey.

So we've covered the win, now here comes the fail...

Ginger
Ah, the Ginger Fail. I know I've covered this one, so I won't go into too many details. The short and chubby of it is ginger was the weird additive, and that part worked brilliantly! We essentially chopped up some ginger and chucked it in with whatever else we were brewing. After a couple weeks, it seemed like it was on the right track, but it wasn't sweet enough, so we added more sugar when we racked it. The mistake? Not boiling the shit out of the sugar. So what was a bitter gingery brew turned into something that smelled like someone pissed in an old, sweaty gym sock.

We have added sweeteners to our home brew since then, and I'm pleased to say that boiling the shit out of it avoided any more sockpiss incidents.

Strawberries
Then there's the Serious Strawberry Fail. This was a really half-assed idea. Coming off our resounding success with the first Mad Elf clone, Paddy and I felt like maybe we knew something about brewing beer and decided to totally wing a recipe. Once again, we headed off for the brew shop with no idea what we were going to get. Starting with the recipe for the Elf Clone, we modified it in ways we thought would make an excellent summer beer. The dark grains were swapped out for light grains, we kept the honey, and changed the fruit from cherries to Strawberries. What went wrong? Well, I don't think those ingredients were ever intended to go together. I can't sum up the end result with anything as simple as "sockpiss", but it was not good. Not terrible, just... unpleasant. I think we ended up with some citrus notes, possibly from the yeast, that clashed with the tanginess of the honey and the sweetness of the strawberries.

Guess we should stick to the grass clippings. But when all is said and done, I've just listed 5 times we tried weird ingredients in our beer, and 3 of those 5 times it turned out ok. 4 out of 6 if you count the grass! Hell, 3/5 is 60% and that's a passing grade! So if your idea of mixing things up is switching your brand of priming sugar, I encourage you to take a bigger chance. Head down to the brew shop with only a vague idea of what you want to do, and don't be afraid to wing it. Pick some random ingredients, throw in some stuff that probably shouldn't even go in beer. If you have the same luck we do, there's only a 40% chance whatever you come up with will suck!

It's all fun and games till someone loses a law suit

2009-08-25T11:42:00.000-04:00

So the party is over? Shit, man, I just got here! Seems you can't randomly libel people on the interwebs anymore.

I mean, I was just getting into the blogging thing, ranting about things no one cares about, telling jokes only my friends get. And now it seems you can't randomly say nasty things about people without backing it up.

Well, shit.

Not that libel is a huge part of what we write here... is it? I mean, the first thing that springs to mind is my rant when Iron City moved to Latrobe. There's some unflattering comments in there about Tim Hickman and small dogs. I thought people would realize that it was intended as a joke, but when it came time to publish, I started to have my doubts, so I thought I'd add something to cover my ass:

But it wasn't something I'd heard. It was completely made up, and as far as I know, untrue. And unbelievable. In fact, I'm not entirely sure the person I intended to aim my rapier-like wit at is Tim. I think he's the director or CEO or something like that, but it might be someone else; but I didn't do any serious research on it. I mean, I thought this was just blogging, not real journalism. It's not like anyone believes something like that. It's not like anyone takes this shit seriously. It's not like someone could sue you over stupid shit like that, right?

So do I have to check facts now? Do I have to go out and interview people and spend hours in a library photocopying shit with Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford? Cause I'm often drunk when I write these. I've never been drunk in a library, but it seems to me like a good way to lose your library card.

And that's another thing. Do I need to start like, using images that aren't owned by other people? Cause I just randomly take stuff from whatever Google Image Search brings up.

But back to the libel thing, how far does this go? If someone were to take the comments about Tim seriously, I suppose that could be libel. But what about the videos and pictures of drunk people at PSU? Those weren't staged, they're the real thing. And while I tried to remove stuff like time and date stamps from the photos, I guess someone might know who the chick vomiting green stuff into the trashcan is. Someone might recognize the guy breaking everything at the tailgate party. Could they sue me?

And what about the booze reviews? If I say I don't like a particular alcoholic beverage, is that libel? Or just my opinion? Do I need to hire a lawyer to write a damn blog?

Ok, I've got an idea. Let's try a disclaimer.

There's a pretty good chance that anything I or any other author writes on this blog is either poorly researched, merely opinion, or total bullshit. We're not real journalists and this isn't supposed to be a factual reporting. Much is intended as editorial opinion. Much is not intended to be taken seriously. Much is intended to be humorous, metaphoric, sarcastic, hyperbolic, or silly.

There. I hope that at least mostly covers our asses. As for the pictures? Well, we don't make any money off this site... not many people read it in the first place. And if you're angry that your picture is on the Internet at all... hey, I wasn't the first to post it. Yell at your friend who took the picture. Or if you took the picture yourself and posted it, perhaps you've learned your lesson. And if you're worried about copyright, just contact us and we'll be more than happy to give you full credit and link back to your website from the picture of you passed out on the shitter with your head in a trashcan full of puke.

People who vomit blue and gold

2009-08-24T06:10:00.000-04:00

As a follow-up to my last article on Penn State and drinking, here's some videos.

Save DoD

2009-08-21T12:28:00.004-04:00

No, I'm not typing some hand-shaking-from-DTs missive about saving D&D. Drinks Over Dearborn, fine boutique purveyor of spirits, beer and wine in Chicago's River North are trying to stay afloat in this bad economy. Having opened not long before the recession hit, they are one of the finest stores around in terms of recommendations, unique tipple and education.

In the interest of full disclosure, we had our BJCP class there and I've gotten to know Kyle as a really generous guy who knows a ton about drinks. He's a certified Sommelier, in a guild of bartenders (who knew there was such a thing), and with this venture master of his own domain. He hosted a wicked cool speakeasy party a while back, to support the Museum of the American Cocktail. BB King's daughter even fronted the band. After the party I watched a friend fall down a flight of stairs, just in case you thought you weren't reading the right blog.

If you're in Chicago, go check it out. If you're not in Chicago, tell your friends who do live here to go check it out. If you're ordering for a big event, screw Binny's and order from Kyle. We do for work and he's always given us great recommendations*. Sign-up for their twitter, or e-mail list if you get a chance.

(Image used without permission from DoD's website)

*Also, I've got beef with the walrus looking dude that runs the wine department at my local Binny's. And they are a soul-less chain. Plus, I hear they kick puppies. And who the hell stocks a $15,000 bottle of cognac 1/2 a mile from some of the worst poverty in the country? Get the pitchforks.

Last Call

2009-08-20T08:23:00.008-04:00

A legend is throwing in his bar towel.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09232/991889-389.stm

Angelo Cammarata, the Guinness World Record Longest-Serving Bartender, is calling it quits. After Serving beer since the stroke of midnight, the day Prohibition ended, his reign of 77 years is going to be a hard one to break. But this isn't just the retirement of a 95 year old man from his job. This is the end of a Legacy, for Cammarata's Cafe has been sold to a new owner and will officially be changing names in a few short weeks.

His Sons, John and Frank, who actually are the ones who own the bar now, are 59 and 60 years old respectively. It's time to settle down and retire. It's time to spend some quality time with the wife and kids, and grand kids, and great grand kids, and...well you get the idea.

I'm sad to see the place go, but I knew it could only last so long. It is a Shame to see the bar leave the family though. It was a townie bar if there ever was one. Everyone knew each other's names. But unlike most townie bars, they have always welcome newcomers to the mix with a cold pint of Iron and a friendly smile.

A couple of us visited the establishment last winter to help celebrate the anniversary of Angelo's 77th year of bartending. He's a spry old man. You'ld never guess that he was 95 years old, with how he carries himself around the joint and mingles with the regulars.

Hopefully I can find the time to get over there for one last round, from the man himself, if I'm lucky. I think I'll have a Jim Beam & Coke. It appears to have worked for him.

Lions and Tigers and Beer!?!

2009-08-18T11:21:00.019-04:00

This past Saturday B. James, McPaddy and myself went to "The Brew at the Zoo", a beer tasting event at the Pittsburgh Zoo and Aquarium to support the United Mitochondrial Disease Foundation. I had heard about it last year, and just had to try it out this year. Overall, I'd give it a rating of 6 out of 10.

Free Beer, free food, and monkeys throwing poo, how can you give it such a low rating, you ask? Well as much fun as it is to be drinking while watching lobsters battle stone fish for a perch or watching an ostrich try to mount a giraffe, I don't think the event was operated as efficiently as it could have been. I attribute this primarily to the fact that this is only the event's third year, and I don't think they were prepared to handle the crowds they got. I bet the setup was acceptable for the first 2 years, but now that the word is out on the event, and they sold out of tickets, I think they just got overwhelmed.

There were 6 beer zones setup throughout the zoo, each with a variety of different brews to choose from. Every time you approached one of these areas it turned in a complete cluster-fuck, because there was one or maybe two gigantic lines you had to wait in to sample...something. What exactly, you didn't know until you got there. And if you were at the wrong end of the sample table, you found yourself waiting in a 10 minute line for Blue Moon, when the McSorley's Black Lager was at the other end of the table...Fail.

I think They needed to spread things out more. If not each beer, they needed to give each brewery their own separate table to work off of, and they needed spaced away from each other a little more. Signs would've been good too. How hard is it to print all the Brewery Names on pieces of coroplast and stick them on poles, up high in the air, for all to see. There was also a map of the zoo which showed where each beer was located at. Unfortunately, they had only one sign and it was posted at the entrance of the zoo. So unless you had a photographic memory (or were smart enough to snap a picture with a decent digital camera, not a ghetto camera phone) it really served no purpose. They should have at least printed out fliers to pass out. Some of the beer locations also ran out about halfway through the event, leaving you at one end of the zoo with all the beer at the other end.

There were about 115 beers and other alcoholic beverages to sample, and I think I maybe tried 11 things over the course of the 3 hours I was there. Of those 11, maybe only half were new to me. My original goal was to have left the evening having sampled 20 or so NEW beers (mostly micro brews). Instead I sampled maybe 6, and the place was too much of a zoo (pardon the pun) for me to savor anything or to talk with the vendors. Don't get me wrong. I had a good time, but I didn't have the blast I was hoping for.

Of what I did get to sample, here is my opinion. Keep in mind that unlike M. Randolph, I will NOT be using any technical jargon what-so-ever. I'm a layman. I drink it, I even brew it...a little, but I won't even begin to consider myself an expert. My taste buds are the only critic. They either like the taste or don't.

Brooklyn Brewery

Brooklyn Brown Ale is an American style Brown Ale. I've had it before but it has been a while. If falls a little in between your typical American Brown Ales and your English Browns. The hops is there but it doesn't provide the bitterness we Americans are obsessed over. That actually makes it a decent beer in my eyes. I like my hops, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, something many American Micro brewers forget.

I tried their Brooklyn Pumpkin Ale, but wasn't too thrilled with it. I appreciate what they were trying to achieve, and it seems like every fall more and more Pumpkin Ales pop up, but I don't think they pulled it off quite right. It tasted like pumpkin flavored cardboard dipped in beer.

Lindeman's Framboise

The sample glasses we received were only 3oz. So when the vendor dispensing the beer keeps telling everyone to chug it and he'll top you off again real quick, by golly you do it. When he starts screaming "chug chug chug", and the his manager has to tell him "this isn't the place for such antics" you begin to wonder if he wasn't sucking on the end of the tap when people weren't looking. Anyways, this was probably the most memorable of the beers I sampled that night. I've also had this one before, but the mixture of the hops bitters with the raspberry tart n' sweet taste makes for an very enjoyable experience.

Pabst Brewing Company

McSorley's is from another local PA Brewery. What was once the Wilkes-Barre Brewery, and is now known as Lion Brewery, the McSorley's line was bought out at some point by Pabst. From what I know, they still make it in Wilkes-Barre though. Their Irish Pale Ale was definitely worth waiting in line for. It had a nice amber hew and a hoppy bite that didn't linger in your mouth.

I also sampled McSorley's Irish Black lager. I really don't know what to compare it to since I think it was my first black lager. It reminded me of a Porter or a Stout, with a nice malt flavor. Doesn't matter to me how it's made, it tastes good.

Diageo (Über Booze Gods)

Red Stripe

Imported from Jamaica, I really can't say that this is a good beer or a bad beer. It's a pale straw colored light lager with a hint of a citrus bitterness that lends to an interesting aftertaste. Either you like it or you don't. The decision is up to you. I like it because it reminds me of the island I've grown to love. Frank Zappa once said, "You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."

Smithwick's Ale

Another brew from one of my favorite Alcohol conglomerates. Smithwick's is an Irish Pale Ale with a slightly reddish brown body and the simple well defined flavor of the red malt. Not the best example to represent this particular style of beer, but definitely one I have no problem drink. Another one of the beers I've had plenty of times before this event.

Smirnoff Ice

Yes, the festival did have a handful of malt beverages and ciders to sample as well. Since there was no line at all for these beverages, I had no problem with taking what I could get. I tried two of their new flavors, Passion Fruit and Mango. Smirnoff Ice beverages have always been loaded with enough sugar to turn an elephant into a diabetic, but these two new flavors were definitely an exception to the rule. Though the Passion Fruit was still a little too sweet for my taste, it was far from being the super sweet sugar kick that typically makes my lips pucker tighter that a prison inmate's ass when they hear the words "fresh fish". The Mango flavor actually had a very pleasant and lightly sweet taste to it. I'm sure it was loaded down with about 2 cups of sugar still, but at least it was drinkable.

Magic Hat Brewing Co.

Everybody seems to love #9, but not everybody has tried some of their other craft brews. I tried some Lucky Kat, which is advertised as an IPA (Irresistible Pale Ale) and has a nice hoppiness to it without being overwhelming. Whether you like Magic Hat or not, I really appreciate that they don't give two shits about conforming to accepted standards. They made a beer that tastes good and called it an IPA. It didn't taste anything like what I'd expect from an IPA, but it did taste good. It seems that most of their beers follow a similar fashion. The only thing they seem to consistently conform to is a resistance to conform. Way to rock the boat Magic Hat.

Yuengling Beer Company

I'm from Pittsburgh, which means I am required by law to have Yuengling Lager in my house at all time, but they do make other beer as well. At the zoo I got a change to sample their Porter. I loved the roasted maltiness of this one. It was nice and dark and went down smooth with just a hint of hops. I might have to pick up some of this. I hope my parents and friends will forgive me for buying something other than Lager.

So of the 11 beers I tried, 6 were new to me and two of the new ones weren't even beer. Not quite what I hoped for in a beer tasting. It left me wanting, but you take what you can get. Will I do it next year? Not sure. Though a cool concept, I think I can dedicate my efforts to exploring the zoo or I can dedicate my efforts to sampling the beer. If they don't change how they run and operate things, I'm not sure if I can pull off both.

One for the road

2009-08-17T01:11:00.000-04:00

WE ARE

2009-08-14T06:33:00.003-04:00

Those of you that yelled the proper response to that out loud in your cubicle, causing everyone to look at you funny, most likely spent 5 years in the drunken stupor known as Pennsylvania State University. What's that I hear? Hisses? Cries of unfairness? Did you just say "Don't be a hater"? (Really? "Hater"? Wow, we'll talk about that one later on...) But I am in no way being unfair, or a "hater". In fact, I went to PSU for a couple years, and had many fun times there. But that's exactly the point, and the point of The Princeton Review who named PSU the #1 drinking party school.

I'm sure some of you are saying that "party" doesn't necessarily imply drinking. And you're right. There's plenty of awesome college parties that don't involve drinking, right?

Ok, so can we be realistic about this? College is the time when American kids first start to take part in adult festivities, mainly focusing on drinking shitty beer and fucking anything that moves (or doesn't after drinking enough).

But what makes this even more prevalent at PSU? There's bigger schools, smaller schools, better schools, worse schools... in fact, there's no factor you could pick that isn't either above or below some other school. It's not at the absolute top or bottom of anything except partying. That, to me, seems to indicate not one cause, but several factors working together. Let's dig deeper.

The most distinguishing thing about PSU, other than partying, is football. Saturdays in the fall, football reigns supreme. With the enormous influx of fans and alumni, the population of the county doubles. Not the town, the county. No, seriously. It actually doubles.

The stadium alone holds just a few thousand less people as there are in the entire county. And these alumni who pour in on Saturday set a fine example for the impressionable youngsters...

...who follow in kind.

But to be honest, it all stays relatively wholesome and within the bounds of common decency on game day.

... more or less. But that's game day. Just one afternoon out of the 168 hours in a week. What do you do the rest of the week?

Nestled into the middle of picturesque nowhere, Penn State is a pretty fucking big university where there's not much to do on a Friday night. There's two theaters, two Wal Marts, and a mall with about 20 stores. Paris it ain't. But there are 54 fraternal organizations, and 21 bars. That's fine for everyone over 21, but the bars generally employ the afore-mentioned football team's defensive line as bouncers. You don't get into a bar unless you're genuinely over 21. And if you're from a state that issues shitty cardboard driver's licenses, you might not even get in if you're over 21. So what's a college freshman to do on a Friday night?

Delicious. And that does appear to be a dorm in that picture, with the heavy freshman-proof wooden door in the institutional burgundy aluminum door frame with heavy-duty hinges.

But it's not just juniors and seniors at the bars and freshmen and sophomores drinking in dorms, there is drinking everywhere. Bars in town, frat parties, house parties. Sometimes the sports teams get in on the act too.

But what's wrong with a little drinking? Nothing, really. Paddy and I aced Drinking 101 at PSU, and look what upstanding, productive citizens we grew up to be!

But that's part of college. It's not just learning what they teach you in class, it's learning how to be part of society. Learning what is acceptable and not acceptable. Learning how to be an adult amongst other adults. That process can have high points and low points, but that's all part of learning. You learn that drinking can have many effects and consequences. Sometimes you get a little loose...

... sometimes a lot loose.

Sometimes drinking can have unfortunate consequences for you...

... sometimes it can have unfortunate consequences for everyone.

If you're not careful it can lead to poor decisions...

... wardrobe malfunctions...

... more poor decisions...

... fucking terrible decisions...

...the floor....

... the ground...

...and finally a trash can.

But really, this is shit people need to sort out before they enter the real world. These are situations adults face, and it's a lot better to fuck it up when you're in college than when you're at your new job's Christmas party and you vomit on the CEO's wife and need to be carried to the bathroom to sleep it off on the tub. What you call drunken debauchery, I call life lessons.

And looking at it that way, PSU's #1 party school ranking takes on a whole new ring. Someone from Harvard or Yale may have never paraded drunkenly down the street with a sign that says "fuck the police." How much more embarrassing and career-ending would that be if you made that mistake in your 30's?

So where students see the #1 party school, I see the #1 life school.

That being said, The University of Pittsburgh is far more academically-oriented and I learned a lot more there than I ever would have at PSU.

And, on-the-whole, Pitt had way hotter chicks.

Just saying...

For more info on drinking at PSU, see:

College prowler: Penn State - Nightlife

and

Bar Tour: State College Area - Night Life, Bars & Entertainment

A Hero Has Passed

2009-08-13T13:59:00.003-04:00

Not exactly booze related, but B. James and I have drunk much-a-bourbon while jam'n together on our guitars. That's as good of a reason as I need. Tonight, don't forget to toss one back in honor a legend who passed away earlier today.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090813/ap_en_ot/us_obit_les_paul

So long, Les Paul

I see your comic, and raise you a second...

2009-08-11T02:11:00.004-04:00

Ha ha, more comics of relevance.

http://www.octopuspie.com/2009-08-05/313-it-gets-the-job-done/

Leads to...

http://www.octopuspie.com/2009-08-10/315-stuff-u-need-2-kno/

Now, this arc means a lot to me as my grandparents used to bootleg beer on the big island of Hawaii (the old country, or territory at least; stupid hukilau). Anyway, so this fine tradition of bootleg beer touches my family, where my grandfather would make his father's recipe, and his island wife, 15 years his junior, would serve it to his friends. Luckily this included the local revenue man, so they never got caught.

Least Interesting

2009-08-10T10:45:00.006-04:00

It deals with beer and not posting to your blog. How appropriate!

I owe you all an update, GBBF, BrewDog

2009-08-06T20:58:00.004-04:00

Well. I owe you all an update. I've been to the GBBF, which was awesome and totally changed my mind about CAMRA. Roger Protz's beer seminar was awesome, and we tried beers from all around the world. It totally went against the jack-booted CAMRA persona I was expecting. His new book, A Life on the Hop is also pretty good. This is a good man who loves beer, and I'm impressed and thankful to have met him.

(I didn't make this, sorry. But it is what I saw after the Baltic Porter to finish)

We started with a Brakspear Triple, followed by a Budvar. Then some Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, Orval, Salvator and finally a weird Polish Baltic Porter. The festival was awesome and there were some great beers. I stuck to the Milds mainly, as I can't get them at home and was on a bit of a mission, in part from the brew club I belong to. The championship beer was excellent, the Rudgate Ruby Mild. Full reviews forthcoming next week, but I have to say I was impressed by the festival and wrong about CAMRA.

(Pork and Pulchritude)

We also did a BrewDog tasting, which was great. The Atlantic IPA wasn't as amazing as I'd hoped, but it was definitely unique and punishingly hoppy. Some of the other beers were astounding, especially the honey infused ale. Full details on that are also forthcoming.

However, I'm off to San Francisco in the morning and can't wait to try some more new beers. Suggestions encouraged in the comments section. I showed up at my in-law's at 2am last night, and my mother-in-law asked if I brought any beer. I hadn't but a quick trip to the store landed us on Duvel richer, which is good, if a tad young and alcoholic.

Death of Me

2009-08-05T10:12:00.012-04:00

It's been a little while since my last real random post. I've been kind of busy with work and...and, ah who am I kidding. I've just been sitting around playing with myself as usual. But that still doesn't excuse me from falling behind with my duties. As fortune would have it, the perfect random post has just fallen into my lap (don't worry, It didn't get sticky). A friend of ours just sent us this link this morning and I really felt the need to say something about it.

http://www.barstools.net/booze_death/

If you checked it out, it's one of those internet quizzes. You know, the kind that based on your answers, it lets you email all your friends what breed of Ewok you’d be. Well this one is fairly quick and dirty. Just input your weight, male/female, and select a drink. When you click finish it tells you how many of that particular drink you'd have to ingest TO DIE. Just for the record, to kill off this motherfucker, it will take 20 shots of whiskey, 23 glasses of red wine, 22 Appletinis, 26 cans of Yuengling or 23 Mojitos. I didn't bother checking Tequila because I already know I'm legally dead after just two or three.

Now I'm no tea-tottler, as anyone who’s been reading this blog would know, but even I can see that this is a bad idea. I can see the developers brainstorming session now.

"OK fellas. We need something new to draw people to our site. I know, Let's take an internet gimmick that's immensely popular with people in the age range of between 14 and 23, and do one about alcohol. Better yet, let's do it about how much of a certain drink it will take to kill you. Our budget is shot so we aren't going to have any scientific data to back it up, but that's OK since we're just going to grossly over-estimate all the figures anyways. Jenkins! How many rum and cokes did you drink that night we all went out to the strip club and you ended up vomiting all over the dancer's snatch? 16? Ok, let's use that as the benchmark and add 30%. Oh and fellas, don't forget to make it fun."

I love my booze, and am guilty of recently pushing the system myself. It's no fun, and I bet I was out of it well before reaching any of the numbers they are giving here. This website is bad bad bad. Am I saying take it down? HELL NO! They have the right to put whatever crap they want on their site. I follow Darwin’s thinking, so anyone stupid enough to actually try to drink 23 Appletinis is just doing society a favor and thinning out the herd.

Police officer:   How did he die?

EMT:   From alcohol poisoning. According to the bartender, he drank 18 Appletinis. His friends are all in shock, because some internet site told them he still had 5 more to go before he was in danger of kicking the bucket.

Police Officer:   Ugh...it's a shame to see our youth turning into such degenerates. I mean when I was a kid we'd never dream of drinking Appletinis. That's the sort of thing that would get your ass beat up.

EMT:   I know. What a fucking waste. I've put down 11 shots of Jack in one sitting before, but never pushed the limits much beyond that.

Police Officer:   Well, it looks like I gotta call his family and tell them the bad news. His father is going to be heartbroken over this one. Such a shame.

EMT:   Yeah, on this kid's casket it's gonna read, "Jimmy Walton 1987 - 2009, Died of Pussy Drinks".

Police Officer:   Haha, when I go, I hope mine just reads "Died of Pussy".

EMT & Police Officer:   hahaha...haha...

This Day in Booze: Black Tot Day

2009-07-31T07:30:00.004-04:00

Today is indeed a sad day. It is a dark and dismal, black day. A day that ended a tradition dating back almost 300 years. On July 31st, 1970, the British Royal Navy stopped issuing daily rum rations to it's sailors.

Rum and the Navy go back over 350 years to the mid 1600s. Rum was a harsh, foul, disgusting beverage that only the poorest of man or slaves would drink. But as settlements began to take hold in the Caribbean and the Colonies, sugar production was on the rise. Alcohol on sailing vessels was a necessity. It helped the sailors stay hydrated and provided much needed nutrients. Most importantly, it was sterile. Beer was the seaman's best friend for many years. However, rum was much cheaper than beer, and by 1731 it was officially adopted by the British Navy. It was as common on their ships as beer and brandy. Half a pint of rum was treated as equivalent to the sailor's daily ration of 1 gallon of beer (beer was pretty week back then). Unfortunately, as rum grew in popularity with the Navy, so did drunkenness, disorderly conduct, and good old fashion tom-foolery.

One particular sailor, Admiral Edward Vernon (the same Edward Vernon that Mount Vernon is named after), saw the benefits of rum, but realized it needed taming. In 1740 he issued an order to his sailors that the daily rum rations should be diluted with water. The mixture was "the proportion of a quart of water to every half pint of rum", and it served two purposes. It diluted the rum so that the sailors could take it in at a slower pace and not get plastered. It also helped to disinfect the ship's water supply and make it taste and smell much better. Rations were doled out twice a day, however the sailors could trade up one of their rations for limes and sugar to make what they had more palatable (explains the term 'Limeys' given to British Sailors). His men called the new drink "grog" supposedly after the Admiral's nickname "Old Grog", attributed to the grogram coat he would always wear.

Due to the daily dose of vitamin C, Admiral Edward Vernon's sailors were healthier than the rest of the fleet, something that would not be fully understood until 1747, when James Lind proved that citrus fruit supplemented into the sailors diet could treat and prevent scurvy. The rest of the Royal Navy followed suit, and by 1756 Navy Rum was codified into the Admiralty's naval code.

Over the next 200 years, the world changed, and so did the rum rations. Thanks to the global Temperance Movement, the daily grog allotment was cut in half in 1823, and in half once more in 1850. By 1950 only about one-third of Royal Navy's sailors opted for their daily rations of grog. As the computer age dawned, new technology began being incorporated into everyone's daily lives. One such piece of technology spelled the end for Navy Rum. The British Navy did a study and subjected the sailors to random breathalyzer tests. When the results came back they realized that, at any given moment, half their naval force was legally drunk.

So in 1970, aboard the HMS Fife at 11:00AM, July 31st, the last "tot" of rum rations was doled out to the men, putting an end to a tradition older than the country we call home.

But fret not my children. Wipe away those tears of sorry and replace them with tears of joy, for Navy Rum is back. In 1979, one Charles Tobias obtained the rights to the recipe and began producing Navy Rum once more. The product is called Pusser's Navy Rum, and you can find in on the shelf of any liquor store that's worth it's salt. I picked up a bottle about 4-5 months ago and you can read all about its history and what it tastes like in some of my past posts. I will tell you that the Royal Navy never actually distilled their own rum. The recipe is actually the blending of 5 different West Indian rums (three lighter rums and two dark rums). I definitely recommend trying it. It tastes like no other rum I've ever had, and I've had A LOT of rums. Plus part of the proceeds go to the Royal Navy Sailor's Fund. I for one will be taking a tot of Pusser's this evening to honor one of the greatest miltary traditions of all times.

UPSPIRITS!!!

News Bits: Charity brew, Brew Dog Tokyo, Drunken Wizards

2009-07-28T06:29:00.009-04:00

Here is some news, instead of writing about all the beer I've been drinking. I haven't tweeted for a few days, but rest assured my liver isn't getting any sort of break.

(We do not, under any circumstances, support Adult Kickball)

First, from Taking the Beard Out of Beer, the lovely Melissa Cole lets us know that a British Brewer has terminal prostate cancer and is using his remaining time to make beer to raise money for the nurses helping him back to health. I'm not sure I'll see this 7% Dark Mild before I leave, but I'll certainly bug my (temporarily) local landlords to get some in.

In related strong beer news, the UK is atwitter with BrewDog's latest concoction: 18.2% Imperial^3 Stout Tokyo*. Radio 4 talked about it on the evening news, and a variety of newspapers (RIP) and blogs want to talk about it too. BrewDog are, without a doubt, the future of British brewing. Interesting beers, revisions and perversions of the classics. They even make some traditional beers with lots more flavor. They've even got a video up about this and most other of their beers. I'm saddened but not surprised to be missing them at GBBF, being as they have the audacity to push the boundaries of UK beer beyond 8,000 varieties of Bitter.

(The above video is for regular Tokyo, the link in the text is for Tokyo*)

The controversy around the beer is that it is so high alcohol that it will cause more drunkenness. It is also 10 quid ($16) for a bottle, which contains six UK alcohol units. Ten pounds will also buy you 700ml of Smirnoff at most UK Sainsbury's and during the summer a bottle of Pimm's. Now, the 330ml of BrewDog is smaller than the 700ml bottles, but for less than the cost of the bottle you can get what we call a 'mickey' in the states, though it is understandably tantamount to calling sprinkles jimmies: terms that could be offensive if they weren't so antiquated and absurd. Mind, I thought the same thing about the last descendants of the teetotalers.

Where were we... oh right, bigots that aren't me. So your 10 pounds will buy you a 330ml bottle of Tokyo, at 18%ABV, a 375ml Mickey of Smirnoff at 40%ABV, or an entire 700ml bottle of Pimm's at 25%. That's 6 units for BrewDog, 15 units of Smirnoff or just under 20 units of Pimm's. Right. So clearly the beer is too strong, except, wait, for the same cost and bottle size you can get way drunker, for cheaper. Now, which will taste better? Expensive beer, NJ's favorite vodka (and finest cultural export), or some Pimm's? Now, I love the Pimm's, but the beer will be better. So for 10 pounds I'll get a great beer experience and still be able to walk home, unlike the young man below. The nanny state argument leaves something to be desired, and I agree that BrewDog won't be killing anyone, and certainly not any faster or cheaper than the spirit companies.

Our last news for the day, The Mad Fermentationist, a hero of mine in the homemade delicacies category, welcomes a new blogger. We can hardly contain our excitement!

Johnny Walker Employees Stand Up

2009-07-25T04:33:00.007-04:00

It looks like the employees who are on the chopping block at Johnny Walker are now standing up, thanks to UNITE. The story is here, thanks to The Publican for pointing it out on Twitter. You can read UNITE's position here. James P. Hoffa and the teamsters are behind the union. The Scottish Government is also on their side. You can even find them on Facebook.

We are behind them too. Its a shame when companies leave their homes and roots for profit. We're always told the average drinker can't tell the difference between low-grade liquors and buy based on brand loyalty. Moving your low-grade, homogenized liquor away from its historic roots undermines this very brand loyalty. We wish the Scots well!

(This isn't Rasputin, and he'd give him a run for his money)

It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad Monk

2009-07-24T06:13:00.000-04:00

So I needed two Coronas to make some cheese dip for Richard's recent party. Now, I don't like Corona. I just don't. I like this picture:

...but I don't like actually drinking the beer. So I found a place I thought might sell me less than a case. You may recall us saying from previous posts (here and here) that buying less than a case of beer in Pennsylvania isn't easy. Well, a place opened up recently that first called itself a beer distributor, then said it was a "bottle shop", then said it was a bottle shop "now with food!" So I stopped on in.

The place had a couple hundred different kinds of beer in large coolers, lined up like Gatorade bottles in the back of a 7-11. The owner (I presume) came up to me and asked what I was looking for. I explained my situation and asked how little Corona he could sell me. He said one bottle. Then he held up a hammer that happened to be in his hand and said "Hell, I'll sell you half a bottle, if you want!" He seems like a cool guy.

I asked how he got around the strict PA liquor laws, and he was happy to explain. First, the building is separated into two parts which are treated as totally different businesses with separate cash registers. The one part can't sell you a case (the bottle shop), the other can only sell you a case (the distributor). (I'm sure somehow that keeps women and children safe at night.) Then, because they serve food in the "bottle shop" section, you are welcome to buy a beer and have a seat at a table to drink it right there. Or, if you don't open it, you can take the bottle home with you. It didn't have liquor, I don't believe they're allowed. It didn't have a bar with stools, I think that was just an interior design choice. But all in all, it seems like a nice place to hang out and try different beers at a reasonable price. Also, for someone like me who prefers liquor, it's a place I can buy only as much beer as I want, and not have a partially empty case sitting around for 2 years.

Anyway, he said I can buy as little or as much as I wanted of anything available. So after grabbing a couple bottles of Corona, I picked out a Delirium, which I know I like, and browsed around to pick up another bottle. They had the full compliment of Great Lakes, quite a few even smaller breweries, even some girlie drinks like Sminoff Ice. But something caught my eye...

... something sinister...

... yet compelling...

... a demanding nature almost impossible to kill...

... so I bought a bottle.

Old Rasputin Imperial Stout

"Produced in the tradition of 18th Century English brewers who supplied the court of Russia's Catherine the Great, Old Rasputin seems to develop a cult following wherever it goes. It's a rich, intense brew with big complex flavors and a warming finish."

Vital Statistics
Style: Russian Imperial Stout
Color: Black
ABV: 9%
Bitterness: 75 IBU's
91 Points, Rated "Exceptional" by the Beverage Testing Institute, Chicago

Only problem is... it sucks. Well, not hard. Not like Corona. Or the cartoon Corona chick (so I've heard). I've had some pretty thick and dark beers. Beers where the brewer had a heavy hand with the chocolate malt. Beers that make Guiness seems like... well, Corona. But this isn't one of them. It felt rather thin in the mouth, which make it go down easy, in some respects. But the real problem I had with it is the flavor was like sucking on the wrong end of a lit cigar.

It may sound like I'm being a bit harsh on it, and maybe I am, but that's the closest thing I can come up with to describe the flavor. If it tasted like peanut butter, I'd say it tasted like peanut butter. If it tasted like pussy, I'd say it tasted like pussy. But it didn't. It tasted like cigar ash.

It's far from the worst beer I've had, though. I mean, I finished it. But the best part is definitely the label. You just can't go wrong with Rasputin. I mean, dude had pertinent crazy eyes!

I've been a fan of Raspitin's for quite some time. He could waggle his willy in public, and still get invited back to dinner at the fucking palace! His profession was as a holy man with the ability to heal and see the future, but he lived the life of a rock star and made no attempt to hide it at all. He also had possibly the most bizarre pickup line ever: "Would you like to confess your sins to me? You have no sins? Well, how about you and me to into the back room and do some serious sinning, then you can confess it to me?" And he made that shit work!

Not to get totally off track here, but they had to disembowel, poison, stab, and shoot the dude multiple times before he finally drown to death. They also might have cut off his cock and balls. I found a supposed picture of them in a jar with a really hot Russian chick checking them out (See? Still a player!) but it was a bit too disgusting for me to continue this article discussing flavor. If you really want to see it, here's the article it came from.

The Delirium, however, was outstanding as usual. Fruity, sweet, bitter, clean, crisp, and strong. It's just so fucking good! You can't go wrong. Years ago, I accidentally got completely wasted on their Christmas ale on my lunch break. I had no idea how strong it was until me and a coworker were completely sideways. It took forever for 5PM to roll around that day. So if you do have a beer with lunch, always check the alcohol content!

The Corona, well, I tried a few swigs from the bottles as I was cooking, but I still just don't like it. I know the stories about workers pissing in the bottles have been legally proven to be slander, but it still tastes just a bit pissy to me. Sorry, hot cartoon Corona chick.

So in spite of the absolutely awesome label, I just don't see myself buying Old Rasputin Imperial Stout again.

... well maybe now and then...

... I'll go buy 6 cases now...

... and get you the phone numbers of hot Russian chicks...

... lots of hot Russian chicks...

Ferm Friday- Cloning

2009-07-24T00:01:00.000-04:00

Back in the day, bJames and I played guitar together. He was, and is, by far the better musician, but we differed in more than this respect. I could never play covers, and have to say I often didn't see the point. Sure, now, with age I get the idea that you want to test yourself against the masters, but that's always been the case. Bach wrote some masses, so did Mozart, Hayden and I'm surprised that McCartney hasn't tried his hand at one. But this is putting your own stamp within a familiar framework.

So, I don't really clone. But I will work within very set boundaries. I try to brew to style (usually). I've used clone-brew recipes, but just to find good recipes, which I usually play with and rarely, if ever, compare to the commercial beer. Of course, I live in a state that has decent liquor laws, unlike my colleagues. So I can get almost all the beers I like.

Except cask ale, which I've mentioned in the past both positively and negatively. I love the UK beer, and I've spent this July in the UK twittering about what I've been drinking. So I try to emulate the British style of beer, which is hard without a cask breather, pump and other sundries I can't invest in right now.

This blog, however, was started as a clone, but like all good clones, has grown into something distinct, like US Brown from N. English Brown, we are something different, stronger, more pungent smelling, more aggressively bitter.